Tag: Sexuality

[January Jumpstart 2023] – Labels. A necessary evil?

[January Jumpstart 2023] – Labels. A necessary evil?

In some ways I love labels, I love knowing who someone is without having to ask, guess or just not know when it may be useful to know.
I love when someone can proudly label themselves and put it out there to the world for all to see and getting lots of love for it.

On the other hand I hate labels in reference to myself, I hate the fact that I feel the need to label myself despite how useful and how much it helps me in parts of my life.
I grew up into my late teens/early 20s with my sexuality being subconciously straight since I constantly fell for girls and felt like that’s just who I was, without ever questoning it when signs that I wasn’t came and went in a flash.

It wasn’t until my mid-20s onwards that I started to realise I may not be infact straight but something more.
I explored this, as I wrote here, and eventually I came to the realisation that I was bi-sexual more than anything.
This was the first time I had labeled my sexuality even if it was initially just to myself, it was the first time I had sat there and looked at everything that had come before and made the puzzles pieces fit together.

Even with knowing who I was and having a label for I still kept it to myself and didn’t feel like outing myself just yet. It was partially because I wasn’t comfortable sharing it with others and partly because I didn’t feel like I should need to share it.

I was aware that family woud be more than OK with it but until such times that I’d need to bring it up I couldn’t do it and didn’t want to. Had I found myself entering into a relationship with another guy then yes I would have come out and said “Look here’s my new BF, I’m bi-sexual” or something along those lines.

I love who I love, regardless of who they are and I don’t need a label to make it anymore or less valid, I don’t need to have this bright neon-sign so to speak glowing with the words bi-sexual and pointing to me in order to hook up with anyone that is the opposite sex.

I don’t want to label myself because of things that may happen just due to being bisexual. Thankfully I’ve had no negative experiences yet, probably as I’ve not been fully out there for long, but I see posts all the time and don’t want to have to deal with negativity surrounding who I am

On the other hand though I have realised that having a label for myself is a good thing, being able to convey the fact that I can have an attraction to anyone and everyone is nice.
It of course helps in dating or when i’m looking for some sexual fun as I’m not having people wondering what my preferences are and what I may or may not like.

Having a label helps me feel like I’m part of the LGTBQIA+ community and that I belong there, that I can be who I am no matter what, like many others in my position, who can relate to things I may have gone through.

Away from sexuality labels is those that I feel like stereotype who I am when in fact I am more than that.
Yes I’m male, yes I may be a gamer, a metal head and I may be a geek but I can enjoy the opposite of that.
I have and always will enjoy playing games like The Sims, enjoy music like Darren Hayes and even enjoy the act of wearing female lingerie to name just a few things, these are all in sharp contrast to how I may outwardly look to people whether it’s someone passing me inthe street or someone from work who may not know me all that well.

At the end of the day I just want to be myself.
I want to do whatever is best for me, like whoever and whataver I like without having to put a label on it.

Coming out

Coming out

Bisexual is a term I first associated with my sexuality back in 2015 which up until that point had never had an actual label attached to it. Sure I had always been attracted to the opposite sex, having not only my first crush but also my first love and first relationship with a girl, but for me it was less about a label and more just that’s who I liked and so if that was straight then so be it.

Any thoughts that I wasn’t straight as I grew up were always put aside though as a one-off or nothing more than a passing fancy

Eventually, I started to act on things as I wrote in this post and came to the realisation that I was bisexual.

It was a freeing moment to know myself and who I was finally, that some past events made sense and that it meant I could embrace it in myself

Coming out was not something I initially thought about, I was just happy to explore how bisexual fit around me, what it meant for me and how I could make the most out of it.
I, of course, had some fun as mentioned in my linked post above, I had new cravings for sex and I had a whole new world of potential dating amongst other things therefore I was focused on those things at first more than coming out. 

Once I had become comfortable with who I was as bisexual I began to question coming out and how would people react.

Would coming out raise more questions than I’d like, would most people be accepting of me and how that works going forward in relationships with others?

I didn’t want to be asked how I got to being bisexual, sure it makes a great topic for my blog and such but it’s not something I wanted to spend time explaining to friends or family. I’d have been happy to say “I’m bisexual, this is me and this is who I like” and leave it that for the most part.

Heck even for my blog it’s hard enough to explain everything as there are so many little things that I can’t mention all of them in my post so trying to have the answers to questions being asked would be hard.

There was also the fact that I didn’t know when to come out, there was never a conversation or situation where I could mention something without it feeling unnatural or forced assuming I was comfortable in saying something in the first place.

It’s now 2022, 7 years since I labelled myself as bisexual and for the most part, I’m finally OUT to anyone important in my life and for the first time, I feel free in being myself.

Free in knowing that others are aware of my sexuality and are very much accepted in some cases and in others, it’s a case of them knowing but not making anything of it in a good way.

I started outing myself online many years ago, it was the fact that a lot of people I followed on social media away from IRL friends/family were strangers who didn’t know me that made it easier to be out there. Also in the last 4+ years, I moved to an NSFW Twitter and started this blog which has meant I’m now following a lot of different people with various sexual orientations and such which makes them very much accepting of who I am especially the ones I interact with more.

IRL or related, and within the last 3 years I started to embrace my bisexuality in subtle ways like wearing masks with pride flags and dying my hair purple, I also added pride flags to my Instagram and eventually updated my bio to include bisexuality in it.

I had my Instagram bio updated for a little while before my sister eventually saw it, and seeing her briefly one day she mentioned it. She asked why I hadn’t said anything and that she was very much accepting of it and who I was stating that I could be an alien and she’d still not have an issue.

I’m very close to my sister in a lot of ways so it was finally great to know they she knew and how she was accepting it.

Even fairly recently I’ve mentioned in passing to a work colleague about being bisexual as they were talking about something related and I without thinking just said I liked the opposite sex too or words to that effect and they knew I was bisexual at that point.

Since my teens, I’ve grown up to just be me, like the things I like and do the things I do which have continued even as a bisexual. There are lots of things people might associate with bisexuals and while that might be true in some cases for me I don’t even think about it.

I have my own clothing style I like, Favourite genres of music…etc and that’s who I am, but we are all different at the end of the day, and if you fall into being a typical bisexual or anything else for that matter then YAY I’m so happy you do, I may not but that’s OK and doesn’t take anything away from who I am or from who you are.

How I define my sexuality currently, and what about the future?

How I define my sexuality currently, and what about the future?

Intro

To look at my sexuality from the present day and beyond, I must take a brief look back. I won’t dive into too many details as I wrote a post hosted over at mysparkletits blog which you can read here.

Beginnings

From my earlier years where I began to understand sexuality, at least on the most basic level of straight and gay or lesbian, I never really defined myself as any but would have said straight if you had asked me, and this was the case for a good few years.
I had a huge crush on a girl in primary school and even in high school my first true love was a girl in my class and so while I didn’t call myself straight that would have been what I’d have called myself

As I got older I began to realise there was maybe more to my sexuality, mainly through my love of a band and it’s singer who happened to be gay. I always liked the music he made in his band and as a solo artist but getting older mean I understood that I may have had an attraction to him more than musically.

This realisation then lead me to see more guys as attractive which I dismissed initially before I started eventually question myself and really take notice of these feelings I may have had but weren’t letting them out.

After a large on and off period I started to explore this attraction to guy, and eventually in 2015 I had some NSA fun with a few guys which I liked, if not necessarily liking the guy (Personal preference) and from here I could finally put a name to things, this name bi-sexual. I still liked the girls, but at the same time I was finding myself thinking about guys more often than I had, and so I settled with bi for that reason.

Current day terms for myself

It’s currently October 2020 and while I still use the term bi-sexual for me it’s becoming a term I may not be 100% settled on but it’s one that’s easiest to describe at the moment.

On the flip side, being out as bi online has made me see many more people with different identities and has me question the term, and whether it really suits me and my particular sexuality? I no longer see myself as being interested in just guy or girls, and actually I don’t think I have a set type of person I like these days, which makes me feel like bi-sexual is too restrictive.

Although I may not be out as bi in my real life It’s still the term I would use for now.
I can’t really use another term if I’m not comfortable in knowing how it really feels for me, and I don’t feel comfortable in chopping and changing terms.

What the future holds

In it’s current state my sexual preference is settled. I’ve come to grips with who I like and it won’t be changing in the future.
As for my sexuality terminology, I do feel like I’ll be moving away from calling myself bi-sexual but moving to what is a different matter.

I guess it’s a case of test-driving various terms and seeing what I feel fits me best, and what I’m comfortable not only calling myself, but also conveying to others online and IRL.

At the end of the day I know it’s not always important as to what you call yourself, what name you use, and as long as you’re comfortable knowing your own sexuality then that’s the main thing, but It’s nice to be able to have a label for myself.