Tag: Personal

Coming out

Coming out

Bisexual is a term I first associated with my sexuality back in 2015 which up until that point had never had an actual label attached to it. Sure I had always been attracted to the opposite sex, having not only my first crush but also my first love and first relationship with a girl, but for me it was less about a label and more just that’s who I liked and so if that was straight then so be it.

Any thoughts that I wasn’t straight as I grew up were always put aside though as a one-off or nothing more than a passing fancy

Eventually, I started to act on things as I wrote in this post and came to the realisation that I was bisexual.

It was a freeing moment to know myself and who I was finally, that some past events made sense and that it meant I could embrace it in myself

Coming out was not something I initially thought about, I was just happy to explore how bisexual fit around me, what it meant for me and how I could make the most out of it.
I, of course, had some fun as mentioned in my linked post above, I had new cravings for sex and I had a whole new world of potential dating amongst other things therefore I was focused on those things at first more than coming out. 

Once I had become comfortable with who I was as bisexual I began to question coming out and how would people react.

Would coming out raise more questions than I’d like, would most people be accepting of me and how that works going forward in relationships with others?

I didn’t want to be asked how I got to being bisexual, sure it makes a great topic for my blog and such but it’s not something I wanted to spend time explaining to friends or family. I’d have been happy to say “I’m bisexual, this is me and this is who I like” and leave it that for the most part.

Heck even for my blog it’s hard enough to explain everything as there are so many little things that I can’t mention all of them in my post so trying to have the answers to questions being asked would be hard.

There was also the fact that I didn’t know when to come out, there was never a conversation or situation where I could mention something without it feeling unnatural or forced assuming I was comfortable in saying something in the first place.

It’s now 2022, 7 years since I labelled myself as bisexual and for the most part, I’m finally OUT to anyone important in my life and for the first time, I feel free in being myself.

Free in knowing that others are aware of my sexuality and are very much accepted in some cases and in others, it’s a case of them knowing but not making anything of it in a good way.

I started outing myself online many years ago, it was the fact that a lot of people I followed on social media away from IRL friends/family were strangers who didn’t know me that made it easier to be out there. Also in the last 4+ years, I moved to an NSFW Twitter and started this blog which has meant I’m now following a lot of different people with various sexual orientations and such which makes them very much accepting of who I am especially the ones I interact with more.

IRL or related, and within the last 3 years I started to embrace my bisexuality in subtle ways like wearing masks with pride flags and dying my hair purple, I also added pride flags to my Instagram and eventually updated my bio to include bisexuality in it.

I had my Instagram bio updated for a little while before my sister eventually saw it, and seeing her briefly one day she mentioned it. She asked why I hadn’t said anything and that she was very much accepting of it and who I was stating that I could be an alien and she’d still not have an issue.

I’m very close to my sister in a lot of ways so it was finally great to know they she knew and how she was accepting it.

Even fairly recently I’ve mentioned in passing to a work colleague about being bisexual as they were talking about something related and I without thinking just said I liked the opposite sex too or words to that effect and they knew I was bisexual at that point.

Since my teens, I’ve grown up to just be me, like the things I like and do the things I do which have continued even as a bisexual. There are lots of things people might associate with bisexuals and while that might be true in some cases for me I don’t even think about it.

I have my own clothing style I like, Favourite genres of music…etc and that’s who I am, but we are all different at the end of the day, and if you fall into being a typical bisexual or anything else for that matter then YAY I’m so happy you do, I may not but that’s OK and doesn’t take anything away from who I am or from who you are.

Further kink explorations and a belated blog anniversary.

Further kink explorations and a belated blog anniversary.

I was reminded of the fact that my blog is now just over 2 years old and it’s something I’m extremely proud about.
When I started the blog I had no real idea what I was doing, my intention was to explore myself whether that was sharing past explorations, diving deep into new things in the present and whatever I may have in the future.

The adult in the title was twofold. Firstly because I am an adult and can look at things from the past with a slightly more mature mind where I understand things better, but also because my content would be of a more NSFW adult nature.

To think I’ve lasted two years, that I’m still blogging to some degree and to see how it has helped me in some ways is an acheievement, considering the account on which my blog is hosted was started 6 years ago meaning it took me 4 years to finally get the courage to start a blog

One area which I’ve explored a lot more since starting the blog has been kinks and related topics.
This has been brought about through reading other bloggers stuff, seeing a lot more through new people I follow on Twitter and through blog memes like Kink Of The Week where I’ve as I say above “dived deep” and made written posts detailing my throughts.

Some of my thoughts and feelings on kink and related topics haven’t made it into posts on my blog but all these along with any that lI did write about led me to jump at the chance I had to possibly review a number of BDSM type items of my choosing.
I ended up with a flogger, paddle, ball gag, restraints and a nipple clamp collar for review and some of these would allow me to explore kinks more IRL than just what I had thought about or written about, while other items would allow me to further explore kinks I knew I liked but hadn’t experienced outside oif improvised toys/impliments or the like.

The paddle was one such impliment I was keen to use because I was aware of being interested in some levels of pain and the bruising I had particularly from the last Tattoo I had done. I ended up feeling good with the on and off pain while loving some nice bruising I noticed afterwards in a pic my artist took immediately once he was done inking me.

The restraints where an item I had loved in my thoughts but didn’t know if i’d be excited IRL with the idea of being restarined so having them to use on myself before I let anyone else restrain me. It was the perfect way to explore and get a feel for things and it turns out I loved not only the restraints I got but the feeling of being restrained IRL has been hot the multiple times I added it in to a play session.

I won’t go into details on all the things, but it’s safe to say I am finding out just what I love 100%, what I love in the right situations and what I may not like.

I’m way more confident and comfortable in myself that the next step in this exploration is to hopefully add someone or many people in the mix, start to look at ways I can play with others and not just play solo.
Things like my flogger are not something I can really use on myself to any great degree so I’d love to have someone else give me a flogging and also experience from my sub side. Consensually giving someone control over how they proceed going from a slow start and building up once I’m know what I like and how far they can take things.

It may not happen right away and I don’t expect it too but for now it’s something to work towards and honestly I’m just excited that I’ve made it to 2 years of blogging and that It’s led to wanting to explore more IRL so happy anniversay to me and here’s to hopefully many more years of blogging.










[KOTW] – Cock! I love it and want it.

[KOTW] – Cock! I love it and want it.

I’ve only ever had one cock to play with outside of my own, but that one cock despite being on a man who did very little for me otherwise was enough to know that I loved cock.
I took him from fully clothed to fully naked with some playing through his clothing which in itself was a pleasure. On the other hand, taking his dick from flaccid to rock hard was even more pleasurable.

I love the feeling of a hard dick in my hand, I love to feel it throb as I move up and down the shaft and I love seeing it fully erect from the pleasure I give it.
Having it in my mouth too is even better as I get it all wet starting off by working the head before I take it all in and seeing how far I can go before I gag. There’s no better feeling than my lips wrapped around a hard wet dick.

I’m submissive so as much as I love the idea of having someone’s cock as I please, I also like them dictating things especially if they want to face fuck me and make me gag or even just dictate what I do and how they want me to do it.

The last guy I was with let me fuck him on our second meeting and being able to play with his rock-hard cock as I thrust in and out of him was one of the hottest things I have experienced so far.
Anal play is so much fun for me and as I fucked him I knew the pleasure he was having made playing with his cock that much better for him and by extension I too.

As I mentioned, the guy was not for me in the end but ever since that session I had with him I get days where I crave a cock and can’t help but just get so turned on by the thoughts of his cock and just having any cock in general.

There may be possibilities for cock in the future, I say there may be because I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself but I will say that it’s fun to share my own cock with someone via messages and get to see their cock alongside hot chatting interspersed among everyday conversations, or should it be the other way around?

In the absence of an IRL cock for now I do have a dildo to play with and take some hot pics just like this one.


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[KOTW] – Amongst the trees.

[KOTW] – Amongst the trees.

If you’ve followed my blog or are a follower on Twitter then you will know how much I love getting out into nature, especially when the weather is good and this usually means I am amongst the trees.

For the most part, being surrounded by trees is not only a way for me to enjoy the nice weather but also de-stress and get away from whatever is happening in my life.
The birds chirping away, the sun shining through, and the sounds of a light breeze passing through. These all help calm me down and be at peace for a while.


On the other hand, I love getting to be naked and surrounded by trees. The warm sun is on my naked skin as I embrace trees of all shapes and sizes.
Most trees are great for just feeling the texture of bark against my skin as I lean or sit on them and just take in their beauty,

Naturally, when I get naked I am usually accompanied by the horn and this leads to lots and lots of picture taking. I have a few places I like to go to and each one is different from the others as is each tree within these places which inspires my creativity.
Some trees are small enough that I can climb up, others are big and imposing and some are just uniquely shaped giving me the options to pose in different ways or get various angles for my photos.

Being naked within the trees also adds a fun element of exhibitionism and the idea that at any moment I can be seen by someone. I don’t usually get naked in the more public areas for obvious reasons nor do I seek out the most hidden areas so it’s always on my mind that someone might be walking by just as I did.

It helps that there are places near me and also somewhere in town, where I can get out into the trees for a relaxing walk and to help my mental health or because I want to get naked and take pics.

Below are some pics I’ve taken previously.








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[KOTW] – Self Voyeurism

[KOTW] – Self Voyeurism

Over the last year and a half, I’ve come to realise that through the images I take there is a part of me that loves others getting to see these images, getting to see me naked. There is also a love for the thought that people IRL might see me getting naked outdoors for these pics, or just seeing me naked as I walk about my house and do regular everyday tasks or even as I shoot images.

When it comes to self voyeurism though I’m somewhat mixed in my feelings for a number of reasons.
On the whole, taking the types of images I do doesn’t immediately turn me on if at all when I look back at them. I am always more turned on by the act of being naked and doing the things that I capture with my phone camera, as well as being turned on by being naked outdoors and the potential for me to be seen.

As the act of taking photos was fun and hot that was the main reason I did them and while I enjoyed the end result from an aesthetic point of view that was mostly all that I got out of things

In 2020 though I had ended up in a situation where I had someone who liked and encouraged me to shoot some outdoor videos of self-pleasure as they virtually joined me on occasions messaging. Said person would then consent to having the videos sent to them for their viewing pleasure, and it was here where I found the only bit of self voyeurism creep in.

The fact I had spent 8-10 minutes outdoors having some seriously fun self-pleasure that I shot for someone was hot as was the ending in which I orgasmed more than I ever had. When I looked back on it I thought about who I’d sent the video to, how the hot conversations between us were, and that it had turned me on badly plus how it made that orgasm in a big way, and for once I enjoyed watching the video back for all these reasons.

Apart from the above video though, there has never been another time where I’ve looked back on videos or photos I’ve taken and been turned on.
Yes, I’ve taken images and thought that I looked good, had a nice ass or appreciated a good shot (Lighting, poses…etc) but then I just see myself and know that while someone else may be turned on I know myself too well to get turned on.

If anything I’d rather be a voyeur of other people and also let them watch me or see my images and make their own minds up as to how they feel, and if they happen to like things then that makes me happy enough.

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#SWAP – Show and Tell, one of my interests

#SWAP – Show and Tell, one of my interests

For those that don’t know me or don’t know me that well, I happen to have many interests and hobbies.
Within this are 3 main stages in which these hobbies and interests exist.

The first is those which are a major part of my life that I indulge in every day or as much as possible, for example, music.
The second is things that are of great interest to me but which I only indulge in now and again.
The last is those which I take a fleeting deep interest in for say a day or two and come back to it once every few years.

One of my major interests beyond music is tech and in particular computers which go away back to my childhood.
Growing up particularly in the early 90s as a young child there was always a computer of some sort in my house, my dad was into them and so an early memory is having Amiga A500 followed by a PC.

As I got a bit older I was given a semi-custom built Windows 98 PC of my own in my bedroom, albeit I was never connected to our home internet at the time, but still, I remember having so much fun playing games on it and eventually just messing with not only Windows but the hardware inside as I got curious about what made up my PC.

During my teenage years, this interest in computers grew and I eventually began to learn how computers were built through my dad who worked in a small independent computer shop. This learning was also gained through tinkering with the insides of my own computer until I eventually started college and properly built my first PC from scratch.

Ever since that first PC build, I’ve continued to take an interest in PC hardware and components while building many more of my own computers over the years and being the tech in my family.

When I get to build my own computer fully from scratch it’s very much a fun process from planning and starting it to finishing things.
As I tend to have a strict budget, not only overall, but for each part, I get to have fun looking up what components and parts I can get that not only fit within that budget but also give me the best performance.
Then again with things like the case, the fun is based on not only finding something that can fit everything in but that also looks great.

For me at least, I don’t always get everything from the same place or at the same time so I often have several parcels coming at different times and days so I get more than one excitement.
Then there’s the excitement of seeing some parts but not being able to use them until other things arrive and so I see stuff sitting around as I wait.

Once everything arrives there is then the excitement of getting to build the PC, unboxing all of my new parts, seeing everything all shiny and new for the first time IRL and not just on product photos or in YouTube videos.
I get to put everything together, ensure all the cables are, as neat and tidy as possible and then the excitement of finally powering it all on. There’s a little moment where I don’t know if it’ll work the first time, have I connected everything and if so is it fully connected all of which I find out in a second or two as I stare at a monitor looking for it to flash as the screen changes and I see something pop up.

Once everything is working there’s still the matter of installing Windows, making sure all my hardware is set up with the latest drivers and that I have all my required apps and games installed before I can call it a day and get to use my PC.

Below are several images of computers I’ve built myself over the years, not only getting better as tech progresses but also because I’ve had a lot more spare income to get better components.


Here is a computer I built around 2008

This one is from around 2010

This one is from 2012 when I reused some still useful parts from the above PC. I also ended up making some upgrades to it over the years to get a little more performance out of it

Finally, this is my most recent PC build from 2019 when the PC above started to fail and otherwise generally feel slower as the years moved on, even with upgrades I had made.

I’ve also included a picture with some of the parts I bought and one when I was in the process of building the computer in my old case before I had decided on a new one.

#SWAP/February Photofest ’22 – Day 17 – The beauty of compliments

#SWAP/February Photofest ’22 – Day 17 – The beauty of compliments

Compliments are the topic this week for #SWAP, and while it’s not something I’d think about or write about as a standalone post I have enjoyed thinking about it and getting the thoughts for a post knowing it’ll be linked to the swap meme.

The first part of the prompt post states the following:
“I was reading a post on Reddit where someone had asked what is one thing guys never tell women and one person said the fact that if you compliment him he’ll remember it forever.”

The above answer for me is 100% true and while I may not remember exact compliments I will always remember those that give them as it means a lot to me whenever I’m complimented.
Now, these compliments can come in various forms, even ways that I might consider compliments in a roundabout way even if it wasn’t intended as a straight-up compliment.

The best compliments for me are those that go deep, where someone has noticed things I’ve done, the things I do where I’m not looking for compliments but just being myself and where it may not be a typical compliment.

Since I started blogging I’m sure regulars to my blog/Twitter will have seen lots of changes with me, and I remeber last year being (complimented?) in a way about how far I’ve come by i’m sure it was Floss of all people. I don’t know if she was complimenting me as such or just being nice, but it felt good to know she was noticing me, what I was doing and how far I had come personally/blogging because it’s one thing to see it through my own eyes but another to have someone else notice it too.

At the same time this wasn’t a singular thing that you might compliment someone on or that I might look for compliments on say a blog post or photo I posted which made it all the more special.

I do also enjoy when my blog content gets complimented on especially photos and specifically on one semi-recent photo that was included in a Sinful Sunday round-up .
The photo in question was a very sexual one, and for me these are not something I feel comfortable doing a lot as I lack the confidence to really know what I’m doing (I feel my lack of expereince IRL doesn’t help) but having liked the photo enough to post it I was initally just happy to be included in the round-up but then even happier to read the compliments which ended with “Just an A+ lewd!”

Outside of blogging I love the compliments I get for just be me, for being nice and lovely, for being appreciated at work or for the time when I shaved my head and a colleauge said nice things about it.
I don’t do these things for compliments which makes it nicer when they do come because it’s always somewhat of a suprise.

On the other hand I sometimes can’t take a compliment and one example is the blog.
I started the blog because of the toy reviews I did for littleswitchbitch’s blog and I’ve always given compliments talking about how she and the toy reviews helped me get to where I am with my blog, and it’s always been countered with the argument that it was all me that did it and not her which can be true.
I always maintain that she helped me get the blog going, she was one inspiration for blogging and how grateful I was to her getting me into writing reviews which I enjoyed especially just the writing as much as the toys themseleves.

Another example is the photo below I posted where I climed up a tree and was asked “How I managed to combine taking a photo with a timer- and not just that, taking a well constructed, interestingly framed photo- with climbing up a bloody tree.”
Of course I was grateful for the compliment but rather than accept it and look at the fact I was being complimented because I had “climbed up a bloody tree” my response was something like “oh, you just have to be limber” downplaying the compliment.

#SWAP – Addicted To Love

#SWAP – Addicted To Love

Scrolling Twitter one day I happen to see a tweet that asked about peoples addiction, and as I began to think about it I started to subconsciously write this post in my head.
Addictions can take on many forms and for me, I sat there and thought about how I’ve never drunk a lot, smoked beyond trying it in my teens nor have I taken drugs but if there was one thing I was addicted to then it was definitely love.

Back between the ages of say 8-10 I had my first ever crush on someone, a girl in my class at school and the feelings I had where was started me off. I had had feelings for anyone before and so when it came I just enjoyed the happiness It gave me even if I did nothing about it.
Even though the feelings for this particular girl faded as I moved to high school I still craved the feelings in general and knew I wanted to have them again.

My 2nd year of high school was when things happened in a big way when I fell in love for the first time again with a girl from my class.
One day walking home from school on my own I was unexpectedly hit with a huge wave of butterflies in my stomach, a girl in my class I had seen across the road as I walked home suddenly and expectedly filled my mind and I didn’t know what to do about it all.

Everything I was feeling was new to me but I figured this must be love. I had no prior feelings for this girl, and even in the weeks leading up to falling in love I hadn’t even thought about anything close and so it was definitely out of the blue. Regardless I enjoyed the magical feeling for all it was worth and didn’t want it to go.

Fast forward a couple of years and after everything from my first love had faded (I did nothing about it sadly) I ended up falling in love again which led to something even bigger.
It all started when I was introduced to a friend of a friend from my school and we started hanging out with other friends which led us to get close to each other.
On one particular day as I waited for a friend so was she. This was the first time we’d seen each other outside of our group of friends and so as we awkwardly waited I looked over at her and Immediately felt weak at the knees as I was overcome with happy feelings.
I’d heard the phrase to go weak at the knees before but this was the first and so far only time I’d ever experienced it and that was the start of something between us.

We eventually dated and I had a strong attraction to her but it wasn’t until one night/morning that I truly knew I was in love again even more than ever before.
During one night’s sleep, I had a dream that she was in and all I remember was it involved us kissing, but during that dream and subsequently, after waking up I was filled with the biggest feeling of happiness and emotion I’ve ever had. I can’t explain it all that well but I had butterflies in my stomach times a trillion and wanted to just sit there and cry with happiness in my bed over the fact that not only was I in love with her but that she and I were dating.
The overall amazing feeling I had stayed with me, though the intensity died down after the morning has passed and I was left replaying it over and over in my head as much as I could.

Since the relationship above ended I’ve never fallen in love again, but as you can imagine I still crave those feelings despite knowing love will happen when it happens. There’s just something magical and wonderful that it’s hard not to want it again
I’m still going to have relationships of all kinds though whether it’s romantic, sexual or whatever, and falling in love is not a priority but damn is it ever good when It happens.



#SWAP – Celebrations of a personal nature

#SWAP – Celebrations of a personal nature

In my family, we celebrate together, from birthdays to Christmas and beyond.
I love spending time with them for a day to celebrate whether it’s eating Chinese takeaway or going bowling for a birthday all the way to spending Christmas with the extended family and seeing friends.

For this post, though I am re-visiting a topic I cover/think about a lot and that’s the year I had in 2021 because it went from a big for me breakdown to doing so much more and I want to keep the good going while celebrating what I did.

In the last year, a huge boost in confidence after my breakdown allowed me to do more in 2021 than I ever have considering I was/am introverted and was super unconfident in myself. The idea of travelling to new places alone, meeting new people and even getting drunk two nights in a row in London plus once in Nottingham would have been a million miles away from ever likely to happen.


Both first London and Nottingham trips were last-minute things, as they were based on plans outwith my control and so I went through a do and don’t wrestle in my mind as to go for it or not.

To actually do those two trips last-minute while also going to London again in between and Manchester earlier in the year was big for me even if others may see travelling to places within the UK as no problem.
I have to celebrate pushing through and going ahead with these when my usual tactic is to have these ideas in my mind but put them off and not do anything about it until it’s too late and therefore I have excuses (Last-minute so the cost is too much and I can’t take time off work).

I am celebrating because while not everything went as planned I still had a great time, I met some wonderful people and in the case of London I managed to navigate the tube on my first visit to meet someone, and on my 2nd visit, I had 5 days where I was able to navigate the tube again, jump on buses and explore this new city on my own without getting lost.

These things I did add to the confidence in myself, they showed that I could go and do things I want, and get close to some things that I’m sure will come plus they have set me up for 2022 to hopefully be the year I do even more, whether it’s more travelling or gain other forms of excitement in my life.
I’m not going to say this year won’t have ups and downs and that I won’t have periods of low confidence in doing things or trying to do things but that’s just me and for all that I’m in a better place than I’ve ever been in many many years.

So I’m celebrating how far I’ve come and how far I may go and looking forward to what may come in the year ahead.

Join in with #SWAP
#SWAP – The home office revitalised

#SWAP – The home office revitalised

In 2020 as we were locked down for the first time due to COVID I was constantly sitting in the spare bedroom which I called my home office where I’d game and relax since I was off work for an unknown period and couldn’t do WFH.
To enhance my experience I invested in a multi-monitor arm which I loved but eventually, the IKEA desktop I was using since 2012 couldn’t handle it and initially, I fixed it but using a bit of an old coffee table top as reinforcement.

Eventually though, I decided to look at buying a new desk for myself and it led me on a path to revitalising my office space and making it my own, a pace I could come and relax in the evenings, game on my days off and what I didn’t know back then was a place I can blog in somewhat comfort.

Before

The office before was OK, but it didn’t feel like a proper place of my own.
In this pic, you can see the coffee table top I used to fix the IKEA desktop and overall it wasn’t the most appealing space but at least it was mine with some framed posters on the wall and such to try and make it better.


After

Between 2020 and 2021 I upgraded the desk, re-painted one of the walls so far and added an extra monitor and got a better chair plus moved things around in the room and moved things from the office to my bedroom and things like the TV from my bedroom to the office.

As you can see it’s definitely a much better space than it was before, way better
Sure I could re-carpet the room, and yes I still have some white walls/a ceiling to paint but it’s now my own perfect space to do all the things I do.

I can be more relaxed when watching online stuff, more relaxed when gaming and generally enjoy a much nicer space when I keep it clean.
It’s a better place to write and blog, the desk provides ample space for all my screens to maximise productivity and I’m able to use the spare desk space for other things like messing with laptops I get from family or just having the space for a coffee.



Join in with #SWAP