“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”
There have been many times of sadness in my life, one of which was losing a parent at 48 years old 11 years ago. I don’t like to talk much about it as even to this day it holds vivid raw memories from first-hand experiences of what happened but it fits the quote rather well and I can talk about the good.
A lot of changes in my life occurred from this loss and the first few years weren’t easy, but as in the quote “Life goes on” and it certainly holds true 11 years later from that fateful morning in 2010. Yes, there are still hard times in life, but things are a lot more settled now than ever. The days are not always filled with sadness as much as they were and with work, there’s lots more to focus on even if I still think of my dad now and again. Looking after my mum is always a challenge, she’s independent to a certain extent which makes it even harder but I stepped up and accepted that it was something I had to do and always remind myself of how life was before and how it is now.
Away from my own personal life, I have a friend who became my best friend in the wake of losing my dad, and who lost her own dad just two years after my own. Not only was she kind and caring when I needed it the most but she became someone I appreciated having in my life and someone who I talk to regularly no matter whether its early morning or late in the AM, I will always make time for her and be there whenever needed. I’ve seen her find a partner, have a child and get her own house which makes me so happy because I know losing her father was tough but life goes on and she has found someone she’s happy with and is a great mother to her child.
In the hours, days, weeks and months after my dad passed, it was always tough dealing with things, understanding what life would be like and still being in shock at events. Things became normal after a while, the constant sadness disappeared and being able to take focus away from that into other things A friend became a best friend, I got more comfortable in looking after my mum and eventually I was able to have a lot of new experiences in life that may have occurred regardless of what happened but I will never know.
Just like losing my father albeit it in a different manner, I feel like I can equate life going on to a lot of situations in life both recent and past. Things don’t always go the right way, we may miss out on a job, lose friendships/relationships and have bad days but that doesn’t mean our lives stop, it just means we have to move on and keep going into new parts of like like the next job opportunity, a new relationship and focusing on current/new friendships we may have and get. It may mean we get new opportunities in life to make new and better memories, also as sad as it may seem we could find ourselves happier and more content when we put things in the past and move on from them.
Whatever happens in life just remember that life goes on and it’s better to think of the future than dwell on the past. At the same time, it’s also worth thinking about the past remembering those we lost and how much we may miss them while remembering that we’re still here with lives to live and people who care about us.
“I am the sole author of the dictionary that defines me.”
Since my teens, I’ve learned that being myself is something only I can do and only I can define myself. As a teen, I was into the whole alternative/skater scene not because I wanted to be different from others but because that’s what I liked and I wanted to do what I liked and not what was the popular thing at the time or what others wanted of me like parents.
As I got older I lost track of who I was in my teens and settled into a comfort zone that was life without taking time to know who I was becoming as an adult.
Fast forward to October of 2020 where I wrote this post defining my sexuality where I eventually considered myself bi-sexual. This post highlights for me how I got back to being able to define myself, how to look back at the past, understand it and act on things moving forward.
Another post of mine was about how I explored my sexuality in ways I hadn’t before. This exploration helped me define myself as bi but was also the stepping stone for defining myself in other ways.
I think back to my teens and one particular time when I wore super baggy jeans with flames coming from the bottom of them. It was my own choice to buy said jeans and to wear them, but I did so without a care what others thought as at the time that was who I was and who I wanted to be. As an adult, I have certainly grown up and I am happy that I can like whatever I want these days while still having a side of me that dresses in baggy trousers and Vans while listening to Linkin Park as teenage me did in the early 00s. I am defining myself in different ways because I’m multifaceted in my interests, who I am as a person and who I want to be.
As for my sexuality, I have flirted between Bi and Pansexual as a label though these days I feel most comfortable in calling myself Bisexual with the knowledge that I can and will have an attraction to anyone regardless of their chosen gender. The label I use doesn’t define my sexuality, but it helps as an easy way to put a label on me where I can elaborate if needed.
I’ve never liked anyone defining me and only I can define myself and who I am. Not every definition of myself will come out as there’s too many to share but those that do have come from within me.
“If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water.”
There’s a beauty and a beast aspect to water, the fact it can be wonderful at times but also destructive in how it can wreak havoc in our lives, the magic for me is in the beauty and the ways in which I love water.
From keeping us hydrated every day, keeping us clean and fresh but also allowing us to be refreshed from a nice cold shower to a long soak in the bath. There’s a visual beauty to water too, from rain to the seas and oceans all the way to the beaches overlooking the water.
Standing in a shower the water cascades down all over your naked body helping you to ease and relax from a long hard day of work or whatever has occurred. There’s also a particular sound that’s made as the water hits the floor in different ways as you move around, in my case, it’s a vivid sound that reminds me of those relaxing showers I take and how I stand there and just let the water hit off me as I get lost in thoughts.
Even post-shower I am a sucker for the wet hair look, a sucker when I see water droplets on a naked body as a particular person dries off.
I love the rain, not only the sounds of heavy rain but also how it visually looks especially when I’m somewhere dry, warm and relaxing where I can just look out the window and watch it. Beyond that there’s something about getting soaked in the rain, coming home all wet and just getting to strip off your clothes in a warm house.
Also the thought of seeing someone all wet as they come in, their top that has gone see-through so you can catch a glimpse of boobs/nipples/the shape of their skin as it hugs them tight, and as well the fact they need to strip naked along with again that wet hair look.
I also love the rare times I get to look at the beauty of water, take in the sounds and just admire it, even if I don’t live far from some fantastic views. The peaceful nature as you watch and listen to the ebbs and flows, looking out into the distance and depending on where you are maybe even watching a beautiful sunset or sunrise.
There’s so much magic to water in many different ways, not just in a hot and sexy way but also a beautiful awe-inspiring one too.
“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory.”
It’s great to see LSB back and be able to post for Quite Quest again.
Now I posted for this quote previously on my blog but doing so again, and while I use music as an example you could fit this into many ways of my life.
I’m a big music lover, particularly heavy metal and that means I love going to gigs as it’s one of the ways I escape the realities of life for a few hours letting my hair down so to speak and becoming this other person.
It starts by standing in line usually near the front for me where I can engage in conversation with fellow gig-goers and chat happily away with them even if they are complete strangers. I will also scream, sing, headbang, jump around and generally not care about the hundreds of people around me.
With music like heavy metal, there can be lots of energy and I’m usually lost in the moment enjoying myself, even more so if it’s a band I really like and therefore I am not really thinking about the moment as a whole or what it means.
With each passing song, I scream my lungs out and sing every lyric like I’m on stage to the point I lose my voice, although it’s also because I like to stand at the front where I can get the attention of each band member who can see how much I am into the music and the band with some fun interaction as they see me and smile, thumbs up or lean into my direction when singing certain parts of a song. With headbanging and jumping around, I work up a sweat and release lots of energy along with others in the crowd around me.
Being out there, so confident around others and not having a care in the world is far removed from the quiet reserved side of me IRL.
It’s not until after each gig and after I get back to reality where I realise just how much fun I had and how I wish I could do it all over again. I miss the moment where I’m surrounded by people who are all together with the same interest as me in music and the bands playing. They don’t care that I’m screaming, being energetic and having fun even if right next to me because a lot of them are joining in too. There’s also the friendly aspect before the doors to the venue have opened. I make some friends while we wait to get in and we chat about whatever, all without caring that the other person might be a complete stranger from a different town/city or even travelling from a different country because we are there for the same reason.
Below are two images from one gig I attended back in late 2019 where I’m in the crowd, it’s a reminder of how music can bring us all together and the value of the moments I had during said gigs.
“Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory.”
Although I’ve lived in my current house for 16 years, it’s never truly felt like home for a number of reasons. It’s had some good memories, some good times but also a lot of bad or just generally been at a time in my life where there was nothing good happening.
In those 16 years I’ve never really had many good moments to value, the way I was in myself impacted on what I did or didn’t do and so the moments I wish I had never came. I can think of many moments that were in my head, they kept me going even if I never acted on them and I guess it was the hope that kept me coming back to them.
Thankfully in 2021 I’ve found myself acting more on my thoughts, doing more for myself and trying to create all these momemts while pushing aside the old me.
I don’t want to live of of past memories alone, what came before, but I also want to look forward to what comes next. I am exploring more, making new friendships and now have a moment to come which I am looking forward to that I know will give me the biggest smile ever.
I want these moments to come more often, to have all these fun times whether it be meeting up with friends for drinks, traveling and exploring new cities, enjoying some fun times with people that put a big smile on my face and make me giddy with excitement or just being adventurous like I have done a few times in the past.
Far too long has my life been dull and without much excitement in the way I’d like, but 2021 is the start. The start of pushing myself to new heights (I hate heights lol) taking all of who I’m finding myself out to be and living out the life of that person I’ve become whilst having big grins on my face, naughty messages on my phone, blog posts and images about my fun and tweets sharing my utter joy and excitement of whatever I’ve done.
The memories of my past make me who I am, they remind me of times gones by and the people sadly lost in my life, but going forward I hope to rely on them less and less as the new moments take over and brighten my life in more ways than I’d ever imagine.
“Look at how a single candle can both defy and define the darkness.”
I see a lot of darkness in me, some days it’s more than others but it’s there, whether or not I share it on twitter, write a blog post or even talk about it with a friend.
From the blog I’ve started a journey as mentioned before, I’ve gained a lot of light from it in the form of confidence, being more open and having a reasont oe explore a lot more plus there are things happening because of it which I love.
Defy the darkness
This journey defies the darkness in that I see the good from what I do.
The pictures I take for my blog get seen in a positive light and show me that I can share myself without feeling any form of body confidence issues.
The interactions I have on twitter show me that there are lots of wonderful people out there, many of whom I can share what I do with, have a common interest with and just enjoy being social. They also can be wonderful at picking me up when I’m down and getting me through a day.
In other ways I’ve found a confidence to get out there and do more for myself. There is a trip to London booked where I’ll be having lots of fun and meeting a few twitter people, something which I would have thought about but never done in the past.
Finally all of the above has made me realise who I am, and who I’m not. There’s lots of me I’m letting go, things that used to be who I was that no longer fit and just things that may be part of me but that aren’t as high a priority as they used to be.
Defining the darkness
As much as the journey I’m on has lots of good, it also definies the darkness of me a little more than I’d like. I recently made a post on life behind the scenes IRL away from the blog and that fits here quite well.
For every good part of my blog/twitter/that side of me, I am reminded that not all of it extends to the real life I have. I don’t have a lot of friends that I can go out and socialise with and very few if no friends I know that would be able to talk kink or similar. All the fun planned for my London trip is just that, planned for then but afterwards I travel many miles back home to where I am now.
I an constantly reminded about the life I have away from blogging/twitter and this makes it more of a reminder of how both aren’t always fun.
Sure I’m trying to work on meeting new people close by and putting myself out there more, but what I’m doing isn’t exactly going as well as things are on the blogging/twitter side.
I am trusting myself to do more and defy the darkness that I have, that things will go my way and all will be good in my life.
It’s not easy and it won’t come quickly but I remind myself that It will come with a bit of paitence as long as I keep going and have the confidence to do it which I know I can.
“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
My blog is titled Adult Exploration and I set it up as a way to share my exploration of all things adult, from sex to sexuallity and everything in between. Up until starting the blog though I hadn’t quite lived, or at least not in some of the ways I wanted for a number of reasons.
My lack of confidence in myself was one reason, I was shy and awkward plus introverted, so I never was able to act on most of the thoughts in my head about living my life in the ways I wanted.
Fast forward to now, so as I’ve become more comfortable in my blog and where I’m at on the likes of twitter because of it I am able to finally start getting the confidence to live. I’m seeing the person I was to be different to who I am now.
So how I am living life now and why is once enough if it’s right?
Well, I’m pushing myself out there with social media (Twitter) and my blog. I’m interacting with many new people or people in general through replies and in some cases DM conversations. I’m allowing these people to see me in different ways especially through pictures I share on the blog or just twitter. I also recently shared my voice with twitter, with my voice being something I struggle with accepting and really disliking.
This pushing has led to me becoming more of an exhibitionist, having that thrill of taking NSFW pics outdoors and sharing them online All of this is also leading to meetups with twitter folks, having fun while exploring new things in the process, and generally enjoying life.
I’ve discovered myself to be less bi and more pansexual, also non-monogamous and rather than look along a single path my mind is open to take the side roads, explore and not just stick to that one path.
Am I doing it right though? My mind still gets worked up, it still troubles me and I slip back into some old habbits, but I’m headed in the right direction and living life the way I want to. So if all goes to plan and the future continues this way then living once is enough for me, although I’d certainly want to live more than that just to have all these great new experiences again.
“The only shame in masturbation is the shame of not doing it well.”
As I saw this weeks quote was about masturbation it got me thinking. In 2021 I realised I will have spent the best part of over 20 years engaging in masturbation, that’s a long time, and with being a semi-regular toy reviewer over the last 8 or so month the amount of masturbation I do has increased for good reason.
For me, masturbation is a natural part of life, it’s something I do to relax, relieve stress and get a release when my mood calls for it. Whether I use toys or my trusty hands to get off I never think of masturbation as anything other than normal, and in fact it’s so normal I don’t even think about it at all, I just do it when I want and enjoy.
The quote says ” The only shame in masturbation is the shame of not doing it well” but I honestly don’t think there is any shame to be had in masturbation no matter what.
As an experienced masturbator I have come to learn what I like and how I like to play with myself but it doesn’t always go right, then again that’s part of masturbation.
Everyone has to start somewhere, learn what they like, how their body likes to experience pleasure and in what ways. Learning is one part and this means you might not have the best time, but there’s no shame in experimenting and finding what’s ultimately best for you.
Even if like me you know what you like, and have masturbated for years, there can be times were it doesn’t go the way you wanted, you maybe just don’t feel it in the moment and there’s no shame in that either. Sometimes it’s understanding that it won’t always be great and knowing when to change things up or stop alltogether and leave it for another day.
“not doing it well” doesn’t mean there is a perfect way to masturbate. We are all different, and what works for some might now work for others, so I feel like as long as we get pleasure from it then that means we are doing it well and if that leads to orgasms then even better, but if not it’s still OK as long as it was fun.
I think in society we should be looking at masturbation as something to celebrate, see it as a good thing and not have any shame in doing so. Do I think that everyone should be exposed to how good masturbatuion is? No, it’s perfectly fine to not want to be exposed to masturbation in anyway, but I think we should all be seeing it as a natural and pleasurable thing to do whether on your own or with a partner or someone consensually engaged in it with you.
Alot of people masturbate, and according to a 2018 article from prnewswire.com “78 percent of adults in the world masturbate, including: 96 percent of British men, 93 percent of German men, and 92 percent of American men; 78 percent of British women, 76 percent of German women, and 76 percent of American women.”
Looking at the above stats and from my own experience, it’s no secret that lots masturbate, it’s something people do and we shouldn’t be making it out in any other way than good. We should be encourging it more, making it less shameful and sharing the benefits of masturbation ouwith just pleasure.
I scream, you scream, we all scream for orgams I say, although if for whatever reason you can’t or just don’t want to masturbate then that’s perfectly fine, and maybe if you have no issue with it then just join in and share the good masturbation can bring to others. .
“Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever… it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything.”
This is a re-write of a post I made on the topic and eneded up not liking so started a fresh with all my thoughts in one
Prior to starting this blog I was not someone into taking pictures of myself too often. I wouldn’t say I was self-consious as such but I never felt happy with taking pictures of myself let alone sharing them with an audicence no matter how small or big it was.
I didn’t have a camera other than the one on my smartphone, and as much as my dad was a photographer I didn’t get to learn how to properly use one from him when he was here as I didn’t realise it would be some I liked to do, though now I want to learn the basics and maybe get a standalone camera to play with (Maybe a cheap but useable old DSLR to start with).
It wasn’t untill I started going NSFW on twitter that I followed some people that were sharing images be it on their timeline or via posts on their blog for the likes of SinfulSunday or LingerieIsForEveryone. What started out as an appreciation for these images and how good they were soon developed into a desire to follow suit that at first didn’t happen although I did post the odd picture previously but not to the same level and only randomly on twitter.
It was only after I started reviewing for littleswitchbitch did the idea that I could make a blog and participate in this whole community of bloggers start. So I set about creating the blog and what you see now was the result.
My first image on my blog was one I’m proud of. It was a picture I took on a whim to show off a toy I had won in a twitter comp a few years ago and through sheer luck more than skill it turned out really well so I had to post it again as a blog post (see end of post).
As I began to start taking more images for posts I started to feel more comfortable with this, not strictly from the result image as I was as a benginner at photography and only using a smartphone with zero extra tools like a tripod..etc I was more comfortable in putting them out there and showing me in any light no matter what.
Most of my images to date happened on a whim, more or less I wanted to link up to a meme but needed an image so did little planning but had a basic idea. They are good/ok images for how I took them and what they are, but for me I’d say sharing myself for others to see was more what made me happy rather than how good they were.
While 64mp and 4 cameras is nice to have it’s still only on a smartphone camera, but even so I am always inspired by other peoples images and how I can improve on what I do with what I have. I see closeup, far away, unedited, basic edits and highly edited amongst other shots from people and I’m always in awe of not only the beauty of the person in the shot but the shot itself.
The more I’ve posted images the more I’ve been comfortable with showing off me, warts and all (I have no warts thankfully). Whether it’s the butt I have and like to the (Lockdown??) belly I happened to have there is lots I’d have hated in the past but it’s been fun to share and see some feedback on these images. Like I said, I was never self-conscious before but I have become more happy to photograph myself in ertoic ways and find the beauty in it like I did viewing those images of others. Maybe in the future i’ll share my face fully but for now that’s the only off limits aspect I have when taking pics.
As of more recently, I’ve started to find my feet with images I am taking. I’m not more experienced yet with manual camera controls of my phones camera not have I bought a standalone camera but I am finding new angles, new spots to prop up my phone for the right shot and even new apps for editing my pictures. Some images I’ve seen and thought they were good RAW but then I’ve played around with the editing and then immediately seeing how the edit took them to the next level, IMO of course.
I’ve went from someone not keen to take pics of himself, to being OK with it but not really putting in the effort all the way upto making an effort to actually take good images and share them on a blog or twitter for all to see.
I have much more to learn, many more experiences in which to capture images of, and I hope many more years of sharing myself to whoever wants to see them.
“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.”
Federico García Lorca
Self-pleasure in the form of masturbation is a desire which is constantly burning in me. I keep it quiet, other than the odd post on twitter or reviews of toys I use to masturbate with in which case I’m not so quiet about it other than IRL.
The act of masturbation can be helpful to relieve stress and help me relax and so here’s a post about how I pleasure myself and what works for me. As you can probably guess, being in the mood is important and can be where it starts, but depending on the day on question and life in general how I get down to business can vary quite a lot.
For me it’s not just about taking my hand and having a wank although yes, I do that sometimes and it can be fun to go back to basics with some added lube to help. For the most part I like building up to masturbation, playing the long game with what I call foreplay or some might say is a punishment.
Taking those little bits of free time to get in the mood by browsing porn, downloading porn for later or scrolling through twitter and seeing hot images. As these things are done inbetween IRL stuff I don’t always have the time or space to have wank but I am able to build up my excitement levels. Also the act of not having a wank when I sometimes could have fit one in can be a punishment to myself, knowing how excited I got and purposefully stopping myself is a pleasure on it’s own without the orgasm
During the evening/night time (Assuming I’m not in work) I will usually be in a quiet home where I can use the excitement(Foreplay) I had throughout the day to get to wanking, and the release of pleasure can end up in an awesome orgasm whether I used toys or not. By not having a wank when I definitely could during the day I see the eventual wank as a reward for abstaining and I like that as it’s the only time I do this sort of thing right now and It might be good for the future if I have a partner who wants me to not wank for as long as possible outwith my control
These orgasms can sometimes be EPIC if for whatever reason I’ve not done anything in several days, i.e. tiredness, busy with work or just having a break.
When I’m going through my IRL day to day routine I also see the act of having this desire to wank but keeping it quiet a further punishment. Of course I won’t be shouting about to colleagues in work or family and some friends, but there is one IRL friend and a lot of people online who I could mention it to in passing via a tweet or whatever. I don’t mention it though and keep it to myself where I want to see to it badly.