As my blog turned 1 I have looked back on that plus my own 2021 up till now and what it means for me. I think about the present and where I am plus I think about the future and what my plans might involve
2021 has been a roller coaster of a ride for me with many ups and downs although it has ended up being lots of fun at times. Firstly it has been fun exploring my exhibitionist side with a little encouragement, the images I got from that and all the conversations that came during these times. I took numerous trips going to Manchester, Nottingham and twice to London all of which were great for different reasons but the common theme is that it has been great to finally take trips away, spend time away from home and all the responsibilities I have there.
I also look back and feel glad I’ve continued the blog for a whole year, that I took the time to build/make a site up and learn as I went while posting as much as I have. It’s been oddly enjoyable trying to figure out how WordPress works, how I make it work in the ways I want and how I do things based on that.
At this present time, I am starting to feel content with myself and relaxed as we enter the final parts of 2021. I’ve completed all my major trips this year and have settled into work so I can focus not only on work but things closer to home and everything day by day when I am not working including what I can do make me happy and relaxed.
There’s my birthday coming up soon (Nov 2nd), Christmas and such like but beyond that, I am free to hopefully relax my mind of all stresses and strains that have plagued it in the past year on occasions.
I know 2022 is a few months off and yes I’m not going to make plans for it just yet but I do want to have some idea of what I might want to do with it. In previous years I never had plans or goals for what I wanted my year to be like but continuing on from the good work I did in 2021 I feel like I need to do more again.
I want to travel more especially abroad, at least once in the year but not just to explore a new country and city which is fun but to also do something while I’m there (Theme parks and Roller coasters for my adventurous side?) There is one event I know of that I might want to attend depending on how it goes ahead, this will satisfy my continued urge to be social and come out of my shell more than ever.
Of course, I also want to continue with the blog, work on my images and do more with the shots I take where possible. I’d love to do more written posts even before this year is done, and work on maybe some erotica which I’ve started in the past but never finished or trashed as I didn’t like.
I have some personal goals I want to work on, those I can’t/don’t want to share here for obvious reason but by typing them out on here I hopefully can remind myself of them and work towards making things happen.
Finally, I want to continue to be myself, be the best I can be not only with myself but with others too. I’ve made some awesome friends on Twitter and follow lots of wonderful people who may not call me a friend exactly but who I love interacting with and want to continue to do so be it appreciating their pics, being kind or joining in with threads of theirs.
September is nearly over and this months theme for the Love Yourself meme was try something new which happens to coincide with the 1-year anniversary of the first post on my blog. To think I’ve been blogging for a whole year is so crazy to me, I mean I first started thinking about blogging in 2016 but didn’t take it anywhere (I have a published post from 2016).
Starting the blog came about after some initial guest sex toy reviews I did got well-received, and where I enjoyed the writing so much. From that, I felt like I could have a go at blogging and so I logged into my dormant WP account and set about creating the blog you see today. There was also the small matter of also wanting to participate in various memes that I was seeing on Twitter where I liked to look at other bloggers entries and enjoy.
I didn’t have all the experiences or knowledge to become a sex blogger and I never wanted to, but that angle of exploring myself in these new experiences past, present and future were ones I settled on pretty quickly hence the name.
A year on and I’ve certainly grown into the blog, figured out things along the way and in the case of my pictures I have definitely improved on that side of things greatly. Sure there is still lots I can learn and I can still grow, but for now, I am happy with where things are. There is lots of content on the blog which can and will be added to with more as the days, weeks and months roll on so I look forward to adding new things like posts and pictures.
Blogging has certainly been something new for me but I have had a great time thus far, and if you have ever read a post, viewed my pictures and interacted with a like and commented either on here or via Twitter then thank you so so much. I didn’t know what to expect starting the blog in terms of who would visit but I really appreciate each and every one of you who have, and those who come back week after week to view my content.
Try something new is the theme of Love Yourself for September, and oh boy did I take huge steps for myself, and although all plans didn’t go ahead it was still a massive thing I did.
If you know me, you will know that I’ve always been someone who has had these great ideas and plans for things I wanted to do only to never go through with them and then sometimes regret it even if it was just things on my own.
In 2021 though I’ve taken huge steps in changing this, one of them being a trip to London. The first step I took was going from plans in my head to actually booking something which I did, and the excitement that came from that was huge since I was doing something rather than just thinking about doing something. The next major step was that I had booked 5 days away and was going solo meaning I’d be not only the furthest away from home than I had ever been but also for the longest time. The final step was when I had 2 sets of plans come up with other people, one being really fun while the other being just a nice catchup with someone I had known for a while but never met.
The fact I was doing it was the big thing for me more than any anxiety. I knew I could do it but for some reason, in the past, I never would have gone through with it but here I was going to London.
Having been on the said trip I am so glad I went, and I feel like it has really helped me long term. Sure the lots of fun plans never happened (I won’t go into detail) but I met a wonderful friend my first day. We chatted and had a good laugh while I helped her with something creative, and overall it was great to finally meet someone I have known for a while. It was also great to just be social with someone, enjoy their company and get a hug at the end which meant so much to me as I appreciated the physical human connection, the warmth of someone that they felt happy to hug me and the feeling I was liked, and not just from behind a screen but IRL.
Overall my trip was great, including solo drinking on a Sat and Sun evening (Solo although I was messaging my best friend so not quite alone). It certainly gave me the confidence to know I can do things, not just travelling but meeting new people and also that these people liked me for who I am IRL.
Post London I’ve already gone out with work colleagues who are leaving, having food and drinks and this is something I never used to do beyond staff nights out. I also have a final trip this year booked for a few weeks time where I will meet even more new people and hopefully improve on how social I am and get confidence from how others see me which I hope is positive.
All of this can be helpful to me as a person, in showing that who I come across online is how people might see me IRL, that I can be more confident in myself and that I can do more of the things I’d like to do whether it’s something that pops up or is something I’ve thought about in the past.
I had a huge for me mental crash several weeks ago and I was feeling super shit as it happened after a simple cold turned into dehydration, so I was barely eating, had no energy, was constantly sick and was stuck to drinking water.
A few weeks have passed now and I’ve moved on from that low point somewhat were I have a happiness with me, but this happiness feels strange.
I am taking action on the changes I wrote about in a blog post, I am getting out a lot more as the good weather is here and things are happening in life.
The strange part of this is that a lot of what I am doing isn’t me, or at least it isn’t the me that I’ve known all my life, but it’s person that I’m becoming even if it’s still me underneath.
I have an exciting situation I got into where I feel like I’m the confident one between two people, as if I am taking the lead and not feeling any nerves about it. In the past I may not have went for it and even if I did I would have had nerves, not been as confident and certainly not felt like taking the lead.
I am finally getting a confidence to go and visit new places, travel on my own and for one of the two trips I’m taking I have meetups with a couple of people. Again in the past I’d have thought about going away but never acting on it, and then if I did go I wouldn’t have been in a situation were I’d have anyone to meet when I was away.
Related to the above is the fact I’m having conversations with people , in ways I never would have. with anyone before. It of course helps to know how I can be around certain people, but then I would have been more reserved in what I said, even if they were OK with certain people talking a certain way with them.
Even just with my blog, I am now beginning to be more confident with my pictures and I’m becoming a “True Exhibitionist” as someone said to me. There’s enjoyment from getting outdoors in the good weather but also there’s the confidence to get naked and take pictures as I’m out. Along side that is just my general feeling of being so much better at taking pics, even just simple morning ones for twitter, the end results are coming out a lot better and I think people can appreciate these more.
Finally and for me quite a nice one is the fact I’m starting to make time for my pansexual side IRL. I’m bringing it more to the front, trying to get it into my daily life subtly and just make it so that should the right time come I can be confident in telling people who I am but I also know I don’t need to do anything.
All these things are giving me happiness but It feels weird, strange and odd knowing that it’s ME. Is this really the same introverted, shy, reserved guy, yes it is the same guy but all of that is slowly fading away and being replaced by the person I always wanted to be but never was.
There is still moments when I feel bad/shit and I’m not going to say that low point has suddenly just vanished never to come back, but I’m enjoying the happiness, sharing the love and making the most of it.
When I started to think about creating this blog last year the one idea that kept coming back was about ME, how I had started to explore myself more and saw a change. I decided on the name adult exploration as a way to convey how I was continually exploring myself when I hadn’t done so in the past.
An early blog post I wrote detailed all of the above when I wondered who I was, and talked about a change in me.
Ever since starting the blog and writing that post, and particularly more recently, I’ve observed some of the things I say, the things I do and the way I react to myself. Through this observation, I realised I need to make a change, changes that might hopefully be for the better without changing who I ultimately am.
Firstly, I can’t change the past and what has or hasn’t happened, so instead of looking back and wishing things were different compared to others I have to look past it. Sure I might envy some of the things people have done and I’m fine doing so in a way, but other than that I should look at it as a goal or as inspiration for the future somewhat related to my next point below.
Secondly, like I did exploring my bi-curious side, I need to start acting more on things that I have a desire for. Not just sexually or relationship-wise, but other things I want to do but haven’t had the confidence like going on solo trips particularly further afield. I realise that I often think about things but never act and then I feel bad, so instead of putting things off, if I can do it then I need to jump right in head first and worry later like I did/do with work sometimes.
Lastly, I feel like I need to be more positive about myself. Yes, I will always have a day where I might feel anxious or unconfident about something, and that is fine, but for the most part, I shouldn’t let things bother me. I can be more confident in myself, yes I can do things no matter how they turn out and I should remember that what I see as not great in me or things I do is not always the same as what others see.
So what does this all mean then?
I need to be more confident in myself, knowing I can do things and see myself in a different light. I need to start doing more of the things I want, rather than just thinking of them and then nothing ever happening. I also need to see what others do as inspiration, just like I started this blog because I saw others participating in memes, posting pics and blogging which I realised I wanted to do, and with review writing, I had positive feedback so I felt like I could have a go and make it my own.
All these changes I do might not be big and they won’t change who I am but hopefully, they can be for the better and give me something(s) that I’ve been missing.
I masturbate a lot, and as someone who reviews toys that is one reason for the amount I do, not that I need a reason to masturbate.
It can be a great way to de-stress particularly after busy work days, or even help to keep me relaxed on short quiet work days where I don’t want to do much (I masturbate at home not work just to be clear lol) . My mood be a horny one and I may have the whole day to browse porn in between doing other things like housework, and then in the evening I take all that build up and get an awesome release resulting in a huge orgasm at times.
Below is an image I previously took during a session with several toys, porn on my TV and of course water to keep me hydrated as I didn’t know how long I might go for.
Lingerie is For Everyone and Love Yourself are two memes i’m participating in with this post and they very much fit the theme of it and can be related to the post.
I may be a bi/pan-sexual male but Lingerie is For Everyone. No matter who you are wearing lingerie is totally fine, and an awesome thing to do that can also happen to look good too. Male, female, trans…..etc it doesn’t matter. Loving yourself can mean being comfortable in lingerie if it’s something that brings you joy. If you enjoy the feel of wearing it, how it looks on you or anything else about lingerie then even if you’re not who lingerie is targeted at, that’s something you can overlook and say hey “I’m doing what I want and what feels good”
This months theme of Love Yourself (in April) is all about the body and one aspect of that is with what I wear beyond the everyday attaire.
Things started many years ago with lingerie where I started to realise that I enjoyed a lot of it for how it looked and how it would be to wear on myself even though I was male and the idea of buying or wearing lingerie wasn’t something I was comfortable or comfident in doing so. I didn’t want to be someone who just bought stuff to get off on for sexual gratification but genuinely wanted to wear items that looked good and was comfortable especially with my penis, while at the same time feeling sexy in wearing it.
Many years past but eventually I began to be a bit more comfortable and got a few items of lingerie. Some pieces where my size, some a bit too big and small for me although all items I liked the look of so for me it was more about getting them first, and then any future items I could work on getting an idea of what would be a good size and a good fit.
Having got said lingerie I have enjoy wearing it when in the house, ocasionally taking some pics for posts on my blog and once or twice going out in the more comfy pairs of lingerie. Being out in lingerie I wore them firstly like I would my own undies with the added benefit being I knew what they looked like so could get a secret pleasure from that, and knowing that random people I passed in the street would have no idea what I had on.
I’m now not only able to view lingerie in a sexy way but also appreciate how items look and feel particularly the items I have, but at the same time I can appreciate others in lingerie. I see lots of nice stuff through twitter and sinful sunday which I love and sometimes wish I could wear, not because I can’t wear but because I now know that there are some items that wouldn’t fit me and items that look good on others but not on me.
Back in 2013 I started exploring toys and one area I noticed was kink items. From collars, handcuffs, rope…etc there was a wide variety of items out there. Having just mustered up the confidence to buy my first few basic sex toys, being a generally unconfident person and at the time having a vanilla personality I never looked into these more kink stuff, plus being single I always thought most would be good for couples.
For several years after that I always saw kink stuff, whether it was items from toy shops, images on twitter or just others who had an interest in kink and at first I was always of the opinion that most/all kink wasn’t for me. Fast foward to 2021 though and I have become more open to the idea of testing the waters with kink stuff, so much so that I have a collar and handcuffs item coming for review at somepoint which I super excited for, more excited than I would have ever thought.
I’m even hoping to try and get other kink stuff in the future for review but that depends on whether I like the first item I get, and also most of it will likely be basic so I can see what I like and or dislike, and then work my way up to other more advanced things if I want to.
Wearing what you want no matter who you are. It can be fun and refreshing
If I found out anything over the years it’s that you can wear what you want no matter who you are and whether or not things are marketed toweards you. Even though I consider myself male that shouldn’t stop me from wearing lingerie or any clothing for that matter whether it’s meant for male or female. In my case currently it’s restricted to lingerie but that still rings trues, I can wear lingerie if I want and at least in myself I know I’m doing it no different that if I was wearing everyday boxers albeit I can get more pleasure from the look of lingerie than I can boxers.
The kink items for me are different than what I said above in regards to lingerie and clothing. It’s more about exploring a different side to me that I may not have known was there, and possibly finding that I love it or not, there’s no harm in finding out it’s not for me. It also may give me more body confidence if I do like kink stuff through what potential items may look like on me.
I know there’s no such things as a “Perfect body” as we all have different preferences as to what we like with other people we’re attracted to in a physical way even if that attraction is not the most important for you (It isn’t for me)
While I can’t ever say I’ve had body dysmorphia about myself, I do know that there have been times where I disliked the way I looked or disliked certain aspects of myself. The dislike was never in comparison to anyone, it was more a case of seing X,Y or Z part of me and thinking it wasn’t very appealing.
Now a few years back I had a slight change in the way I thought about myself. I took a few images after winning a tailed butt plug from a comp run on Twitter whereby rather than just showing some product photos I thought it would be good to actually get some shots wearing said plug.
So off I went with a smartphone in hand and took several random images with me wearing this frankly awesome tailed plug. When going through several images I deleted most but there was one that I felt good enough to post. Said image was not planned, just one of the random shots I took but it seemed to work out really well. The tail combined with my butt turned into the shape of a heart which could’ve been a sign (I didn’t think of that till now).
Having posted said image (Also shared below) and having recieved some positive feedback on it, I realised that maybe I do have parts of me that are good, particularly my butt and maybe I can post images of myself more often.
Since then I have found that yes I actually like my butt and I’m more comfortable in taking pics, although when I do take said pics, I have found that while I may like the overall images I take I am not always 100% happy with my body in it.
So no, I don’t have body dysmorphia where I will actively hate my body but at the same time I won’t be umcomfortable with taking pics. Yes I may dislike my body but the fun in taking pics is just, that the taking of said pics whether it’s getting the right angle, using locations to my advantage i.e. water from the shower or just shooting the one thing I’m ok with on my body (My butt).
And just because I always have to show this image whever possible, here the butt pic that made me realise I have a nice butt.
I love music and one of my favourite singers is Darren Hayes formerly of the Australian pop duo Savage Garden who I also happen to love.
His songs as a solo artist and as part of Savage Garden have always had meaning lyrically that drew me in right from the start when I first heard a song with him in it way back in 1997. Not only did I love the lyrics in these songs but musically there was something about them that I loved, particularly the extended version of ‘To The Moon And Back” which I still love to this day.
Whenever I put these songs on myself, hear then on a shuffled playlist or even hear them on TV/Radio I am instantly hit with waves of emotion and nostalgia. For the several minutes each songs lasts any pain I had is gone, or depending on my mood and the song being played I can be hit with a huge smile.
Below is some of the lyrics to the song Crash And Burn, one of the Savage Garden songs I love, although I could pick lyrics from many of their songs depending on the situation I wanted to talk about or even many lyrics from Darren Hayes solo work.
Whether I wanted to talk about nostalgic times, love, the fact Darren Hayes might have a part to play in be being able to finally realise I am bi/pan-sexual or the fact that he is my only male crush for now there is just so much I could pick from to talk about.
“When you feel all alone And the world has turned its back on you Give me a moment please To tame your wild, wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you It’s hard to find relief And people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door And you feel like you can’t take anymore
Let me be the one you call If you jump I’ll break your fall Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart If you need to crash then crash and burn, you’re not alone“