![[January Jumpstart 2023] – It’s me not you….?](https://adultexploration.files.wordpress.com/2023/01/pexels-photo-7952673.jpeg?w=1108&h=737&crop=1)
Some people may already know this, I’ve shared it before, and well it’s obvious from the name, but when I started my blog back in 2020 it was based on the idea of exploration.
A small part of this was personal exploration of myself and who I am, but for the most part I wanted to focus on sexual and kink explorations, this was due to my own experiences with both or rather a lack of.
Untill starting the blog and it’s still the case, my sexual experiences sat at 3, all happening with 2 guys on different ocassions when I was exploring my sexuality back in 2015.
Kink on the other hand outside of solo play was non-existent, I had zero expereinces exploring and doing anything kink related.
In the two years since I started my blog I’ve had a few potenial situations arise for something fun to happen.
One started as an offer for drinks during a trip away before it changed and got talked about over a few months. Speaking about what things we wanted to do and planning that would slowly evolve into something more than I could ever have imagined.
Unfortunately despite our plans and everything that we wanted to do this ultimately ended in nothing happening d between us. Me being me was a factor in things not working out, because although I didn’t do anything wrong per se what I did do was done with excitement and in good faith but it caused the other party to get uncomfortable so I basically put out the fire between us despite my sincerest apolgies to them, and I then didn’t make the situation any better after the fact in an extremely rare situation where I got drunk on my own far away from home and sent a message I really shouldn’t have.
I’ve refarined from talking about it because we’ve never spoken since and I realise things never worked out like many things in life don’t so I just moved on, although I wished and still wish them all the happiness in the world even if we no longer talk.
After the above that there have been a couple of other people who have come into my life and led to some potential fun.
One of these was a suggestion from a very good friend of mine who knew someone near me who wanted to explore a bi-curious side and I was happy to chat to them and see where things went from there.
After some inital chats on the subject and a few on and off after the fact I realised they were not quite ready, and so I ended up leaving the subject alone whereby they have become some I enjoy following and who’s been so kind in appreciating me and the pics I post on Twitter.
The last two people were ones that evolved from some chatting to potential fun and it seemed like in both these cases it would lead somewhere. Both parties where interested, after I had got to know the individual I certainly felt happy to do things and just have fun which I lacked and craved.
Once again though these didn’t get anywhere but this time without any reason. The first got as far as setting a date and exploring each others like and dislikes so we each knew in advance what we were comfortable with doing but then radio silence before they disappeared without a trace.
The other didn’t get quite as far but we both wanted something to happen and I was keen to do so when they happened to be staying somewhat nearby, but they were only there for a short time and would be gone the next day. We did talk a lot but then things have since went dead since last year despite messaging them.
Out of these situtaions were there was potential for fun none has ended up happening and It’s made me consider whether it’s just ME or not.
Of course the first one was ME, I didn’t do myself any favours and things didn’t work our which is not to feel bad about myself but recognise what went wrong.
The 2nd wasn’t me or at least I don’t see it like that, I see a wonderful person who has been kind to me and appreciating what they see as beauty in me, while I understand and respected the fact they weren’t ready to take the plunge and I wasn’t going to force them or go on about it.
The last two though have really made me question. Am I awarkd in conversations that leds me to scare people away, do I come across in a particular manner even if it’s not intentional and I do it subconciously or am I just the type of guy that once you really get to know in any way more than friends/mutual social media follower that you are turned off by and won’t want to do anything with.
I’d like to think this is not the case, some people would say no too and that It’s not me, I will find someone and things will happen but right now that isn’t happening and untill it does I can only say that it maybe is me**
**It’s not me. Yes I am awkard at times, not great sociallly and all that which doesn’t help but it’s not me**
Adult Exploration 