Scrolling Twitter one day I happen to see a tweet that asked about peoples addiction, and as I began to think about it I started to subconsciously write this post in my head.
Addictions can take on many forms and for me, I sat there and thought about how I’ve never drunk a lot, smoked beyond trying it in my teens nor have I taken drugs but if there was one thing I was addicted to then it was definitely love.
Back between the ages of say 8-10 I had my first ever crush on someone, a girl in my class at school and the feelings I had where was started me off. I had had feelings for anyone before and so when it came I just enjoyed the happiness It gave me even if I did nothing about it.
Even though the feelings for this particular girl faded as I moved to high school I still craved the feelings in general and knew I wanted to have them again.
My 2nd year of high school was when things happened in a big way when I fell in love for the first time again with a girl from my class.
One day walking home from school on my own I was unexpectedly hit with a huge wave of butterflies in my stomach, a girl in my class I had seen across the road as I walked home suddenly and expectedly filled my mind and I didn’t know what to do about it all.
Everything I was feeling was new to me but I figured this must be love. I had no prior feelings for this girl, and even in the weeks leading up to falling in love I hadn’t even thought about anything close and so it was definitely out of the blue. Regardless I enjoyed the magical feeling for all it was worth and didn’t want it to go.
Fast forward a couple of years and after everything from my first love had faded (I did nothing about it sadly) I ended up falling in love again which led to something even bigger.
It all started when I was introduced to a friend of a friend from my school and we started hanging out with other friends which led us to get close to each other.
On one particular day as I waited for a friend so was she. This was the first time we’d seen each other outside of our group of friends and so as we awkwardly waited I looked over at her and Immediately felt weak at the knees as I was overcome with happy feelings.
I’d heard the phrase to go weak at the knees before but this was the first and so far only time I’d ever experienced it and that was the start of something between us.
We eventually dated and I had a strong attraction to her but it wasn’t until one night/morning that I truly knew I was in love again even more than ever before.
During one night’s sleep, I had a dream that she was in and all I remember was it involved us kissing, but during that dream and subsequently, after waking up I was filled with the biggest feeling of happiness and emotion I’ve ever had. I can’t explain it all that well but I had butterflies in my stomach times a trillion and wanted to just sit there and cry with happiness in my bed over the fact that not only was I in love with her but that she and I were dating.
The overall amazing feeling I had stayed with me, though the intensity died down after the morning has passed and I was left replaying it over and over in my head as much as I could.
Since the relationship above ended I’ve never fallen in love again, but as you can imagine I still crave those feelings despite knowing love will happen when it happens. There’s just something magical and wonderful that it’s hard not to want it again
I’m still going to have relationships of all kinds though whether it’s romantic, sexual or whatever, and falling in love is not a priority but damn is it ever good when It happens.