“I am the sole author of the dictionary that defines me.”Zadie Smith
Since my teens, I’ve learned that being myself is something only I can do and only I can define myself.
As a teen, I was into the whole alternative/skater scene not because I wanted to be different from others but because that’s what I liked and I wanted to do what I liked and not what was the popular thing at the time or what others wanted of me like parents.
As I got older I lost track of who I was in my teens and settled into a comfort zone that was life without taking time to know who I was becoming as an adult.
Fast forward to October of 2020 where I wrote this post defining my sexuality where I eventually considered myself bi-sexual. This post highlights for me how I got back to being able to define myself, how to look back at the past, understand it and act on things moving forward.
Another post of mine was about how I explored my sexuality in ways I hadn’t before. This exploration helped me define myself as bi but was also the stepping stone for defining myself in other ways.
I think back to my teens and one particular time when I wore super baggy jeans with flames coming from the bottom of them. It was my own choice to buy said jeans and to wear them, but I did so without a care what others thought as at the time that was who I was and who I wanted to be.
As an adult, I have certainly grown up and I am happy that I can like whatever I want these days while still having a side of me that dresses in baggy trousers and Vans while listening to Linkin Park as teenage me did in the early 00s.
I am defining myself in different ways because I’m multifaceted in my interests, who I am as a person and who I want to be.
As for my sexuality, I have flirted between Bi and Pansexual as a label though these days I feel most comfortable in calling myself Bisexual with the knowledge that I can and will have an attraction to anyone regardless of their chosen gender.
The label I use doesn’t define my sexuality, but it helps as an easy way to put a label on me where I can elaborate if needed.
I’ve never liked anyone defining me and only I can define myself and who I am.
Not every definition of myself will come out as there’s too many to share but those that do have come from within me.