Month: November 2021

Regrets and why I have none.

Regrets and why I have none.

If the question was asked of me “Do you have any regrets in life” then my answer would be an easy NO without any thought beforehand, but it’s more complicated than just saying NO and in writing this post I put out a poll on Twitter asking whether anyone had regrets with a simple Yes or No answer.
The response to that poll was an overwhelming yes with someone kindly replying to me and saying that it was more complex and went into some details as to why.

I think of myself as someone who can never be more than themselves, will do the best they can in life and be the best they can. I’ve been somewhat the same person since I was a teen, and that doesn’t mean I haven’t grown up or that I haven’t learned from past mistakes but I still try to be myself every day.

When I look at regret I think of all the times in my life from relationships I had that ended, the things I didn’t do but could have, the things I did but maybe shouldn’t have and everything in between that may have resulted in some form of regret after the fact.

Now If I’ve done anything bad, like things I really shouldn’t have done then I will always hold my hands up and say it was wrong I’m sorry and in those instances, I may have regret but for the most part, I’m not one to feel like I do anything that bad so never have I had any regret to that degree
Each regret worthy moment has a story behind it, a reason why I did certain things and both the good and the bad that came with them

For example, ending a relationship because I was putting in all the effort, getting not much back and it just not feeling right after 7 months was the right thing to do even if I still loved the girl and had a thought of “maybe I shouldn’t have initiated the ending”. If I didn’t do anything though I may have been happy for a lot longer, at the same time though, I would have been in a relationship that just wasn’t right for me just because I was in love with someone.

At each particular regretful moment in time, I was doing things that were right for me, I was just being myself and for anything I didn’t do, it was likely because I didn’t have the confidence or didn’t feel comfortable with it so naturally, I missed out but for good reason.

Saying I had regrets takes away from these things, it makes me feel like I am being negative towards myself in what I did and saying “Is being myself wrong”. or “I was stupid”.
No neither of these things or others are correct.

I may not have done something that was right in the end but at the same time, it wasn’t wrong to do.
I may have missed out on experiences but then again if I didn’t feel comfortable then I was right not to force myself to go ahead even if I wish I had and even wish it may have turned out well.

I’m not going to have regrets where there’s nothing I did to really regret, and if anything I may wish I had done things differently or that they had gone differently but I won’t sit here thinking negatively about all the things that have happened in my life.

For me, the best thing to do is learn from everything and look forward, put the past in the past and focus my mind on the current or new things in life, what can make me happy now or in the future.

[Quote Quest] – life goes on

[Quote Quest] – life goes on

“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”

Robert Frost

There have been many times of sadness in my life, one of which was losing a parent at 48 years old 11 years ago. I don’t like to talk much about it as even to this day it holds vivid raw memories from first-hand experiences of what happened but it fits the quote rather well and I can talk about the good.

A lot of changes in my life occurred from this loss and the first few years weren’t easy, but as in the quote “Life goes on” and it certainly holds true 11 years later from that fateful morning in 2010.
Yes, there are still hard times in life, but things are a lot more settled now than ever. The days are not always filled with sadness as much as they were and with work, there’s lots more to focus on even if I still think of my dad now and again.
Looking after my mum is always a challenge, she’s independent to a certain extent which makes it even harder but I stepped up and accepted that it was something I had to do and always remind myself of how life was before and how it is now.

Away from my own personal life, I have a friend who became my best friend in the wake of losing my dad, and who lost her own dad just two years after my own.
Not only was she kind and caring when I needed it the most but she became someone I appreciated having in my life and someone who I talk to regularly no matter whether its early morning or late in the AM, I will always make time for her and be there whenever needed.
I’ve seen her find a partner, have a child and get her own house which makes me so happy because I know losing her father was tough but life goes on and she has found someone she’s happy with and is a great mother to her child.

In the hours, days, weeks and months after my dad passed, it was always tough dealing with things, understanding what life would be like and still being in shock at events.
Things became normal after a while, the constant sadness disappeared and being able to take focus away from that into other things
A friend became a best friend, I got more comfortable in looking after my mum and eventually I
was able to have a lot of new experiences in life that may have occurred regardless of what happened but I will never know.

Just like losing my father albeit it in a different manner, I feel like I can equate life going on to a lot of situations in life both recent and past.
Things don’t always go the right way, we may miss out on a job, lose friendships/relationships and have bad days but that doesn’t mean our lives stop, it just means we have to move on and keep going into new parts of like like the next job opportunity, a new relationship and focusing on current/new friendships we may have and get.
It may mean we get new opportunities in life to make new and better memories, also as sad as it may seem we could find ourselves happier and more content when we put things in the past and move on from them.

Whatever happens in life just remember that life goes on and it’s better to think of the future than dwell on the past. At the same time, it’s also worth thinking about the past remembering those we lost and how much we may miss them while remembering that we’re still here with lives to live and people who care about us.

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[Quote Quest] – Defining/Being me

[Quote Quest] – Defining/Being me

“I am the sole author of the dictionary that defines me.”

Zadie Smith

Since my teens, I’ve learned that being myself is something only I can do and only I can define myself.
As a teen, I was into the whole alternative/skater scene not because I wanted to be different from others but because that’s what I liked and I wanted to do what I liked and not what was the popular thing at the time or what others wanted of me like parents.

As I got older I lost track of who I was in my teens and settled into a comfort zone that was life without taking time to know who I was becoming as an adult.

Fast forward to October of 2020 where I wrote this post defining my sexuality where I eventually considered myself bi-sexual. This post highlights for me how I got back to being able to define myself, how to look back at the past, understand it and act on things moving forward.

Another post of mine was about how I explored my sexuality in ways I hadn’t before. This exploration helped me define myself as bi but was also the stepping stone for defining myself in other ways.

I think back to my teens and one particular time when I wore super baggy jeans with flames coming from the bottom of them. It was my own choice to buy said jeans and to wear them, but I did so without a care what others thought as at the time that was who I was and who I wanted to be.
As an adult, I have certainly grown up and I am happy that I can like whatever I want these days while still having a side of me that dresses in baggy trousers and Vans while listening to Linkin Park as teenage me did in the early 00s.
I am defining myself in different ways because I’m multifaceted in my interests, who I am as a person and who I want to be.

As for my sexuality, I have flirted between Bi and Pansexual as a label though these days I feel most comfortable in calling myself Bisexual with the knowledge that I can and will have an attraction to anyone regardless of their chosen gender.
The label I use doesn’t define my sexuality, but it helps as an easy way to put a label on me where I can elaborate if needed.

I’ve never liked anyone defining me and only I can define myself and who I am.
Not every definition of myself will come out as there’s too many to share but those that do have come from within me.

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Try and make me!

Try and make me!

Submission and I

I’m very much submissive, it’s something I’ve always known about myself from day 1 when I began to know what being submissive was. Over the years though I’ve rarely acted specifically on this submissive side of me when with partners or potential partners.

Recently though and in a solo capacity, I had been leaning into my submissive side some more with images on my blog coming from the thoughts in my head.
With that in mind little did I know then that one Thursday evening I would lean heavily into it with someone else, and even at that, I would do so subconsciously without any prior planning to be submissive.

Being submissive

“Give me a minute,” I said as I grabbed four masturbation sleeves from my toy chest and unboxed the newest one I had recently received, putting them out on display where one would be picked and used on me.

As a sleeve was picked and lube at the ready the excitement building but I still had very little idea what lay in store until I was asked a simple question.
“You happy for me to decide when you cum and be fully in control?”
I paused for a second, thought about giving complete control to someone before I gave an affirmative reply trying to restrain the excitement.

Not only was I letting someone control me but I allowed them to use a remote toy called The Handy in which they would have the tools to control me without touching,
From slow and long strokes to short hard and fast ones and everything in-between, they could have infinite adjustment with more finite control than what they could get with just their hands.

As I was just about ready I heard “Watch some porn while I edge you”.
I love the idea that during this edging I could be focused on porn and how hot it was only to then feel a huge rush of pleasure to bring my mind back to the reality of the real-life pleasure I was being subjected to. The porn would hopefully take my focus away and make me last as long as possible.

I was asked how long I could last, clearly planning how exactly they would take control and edge me.

As the fun started my sleeve has its vibe turned on giving me extra pleasure but also an extra reason to try and last as long as possible, and one more thing my mind could focus on when I was trying not to.
I was already hard before anything had started so there was no need to work up and they could start right away, each initial stroke giving me an idea of what was to come.

I could feel the contrast between the slow and sensual strokes to the hard and fast ones, my moans increased then decreased as the play went on

As the vibe was then turned up to medium I was told “I think u can cum without it”.
They knew I was enjoying the buzz of the vibe and were denying me the pleasure it brought, but I obeyed and turned it off. At least now I had one less pleasure to worry about.

“These strokes are getting me closer,” I said, I wasn’t in control but and even without those words, it was pretty clear from how I writhed about that I was clearly on the edge and the edging kept on coming. Moments of intense stroking followed by a slowdown just as I could feel the build-up in me.
By this point as the end was near and they wanted me to orgasm but I had a sudden urge to become a brat knowing I didn’t want to orgasm

“You wanna cum?” I was asked clearly sensing that an orgasm wasn’t far off.
“Try and make me” was my immediate reply, my mind wasn’t in the real world, I was lost in the pleasure being given to me, the ecstasy of it all while not being in control and not quite ready for it to be all over.

Having given my reply I was asked “You ready?” which set me up for what was likely to be some full-on intense pleasure and a desire to make me orgasm when I was trying to resist as long as possible.
By this point, I had paused the porn I was watching and put all my focus into the real world physical pleasure knowing I had set myself up for what was indeed an intense pleasure filled few minutes where it would take all I had to resist the urge to orgasm.

After a few minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore, my restraint weakened until I let out a huge moan and let myself go with a big orgasm. The look on my face gave away just how much I had held out and how the pleasure had built up in me for the release.

As I was sat there in post-orgasm bliss I was given a smile and a look as if to say I had done good, no words were needed to be said, and that look alone was enough to tell me all I needed.
One look at me and there was a satisfying look on my face, one that was feeling the last few bits of orgasm still going before I was finally done.

I slipped back into a relaxed position for a moment, to catch my breath and come back to reality.

[Quote Quest] – Water and it’s magic

[Quote Quest] – Water and it’s magic

“If there is magic on this planet, it is contained in water.”

Loren Eiseley

There’s a beauty and a beast aspect to water, the fact it can be wonderful at times but also destructive in how it can wreak havoc in our lives, the magic for me is in the beauty and the ways in which I love water.

From keeping us hydrated every day, keeping us clean and fresh but also allowing us to be refreshed from a nice cold shower to a long soak in the bath. There’s a visual beauty to water too, from rain to the seas and oceans all the way to the beaches overlooking the water.

Standing in a shower the water cascades down all over your naked body helping you to ease and relax from a long hard day of work or whatever has occurred. There’s also a particular sound that’s made as the water hits the floor in different ways as you move around, in my case, it’s a vivid sound that reminds me of those relaxing showers I take and how I stand there and just let the water hit off me as I get lost in thoughts.

Even post-shower I am a sucker for the wet hair look, a sucker when I see water droplets on a naked body as a particular person dries off.

I love the rain, not only the sounds of heavy rain but also how it visually looks especially when I’m somewhere dry, warm and relaxing where I can just look out the window and watch it.
Beyond that there’s something about getting soaked in the rain, coming home all wet and just getting to strip off your clothes in a warm house.

Also the thought of seeing someone all wet as they come in, their top that has gone see-through so you can catch a glimpse of boobs/nipples/the shape of their skin as it hugs them tight, and as well the fact they need to strip naked along with again that wet hair look.

I also love the rare times I get to look at the beauty of water, take in the sounds and just admire it, even if I don’t live far from some fantastic views.
The peaceful nature as you watch and listen to the ebbs and flows, looking out into the distance and depending on where you are maybe even watching a beautiful sunset or sunrise.

There’s so much magic to water in many different ways, not just in a hot and sexy way but also a beautiful awe-inspiring one too.

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