[Love yourself (in June)] – Strange happiness

I had a huge for me mental crash several weeks ago and I was feeling super shit as it happened after a simple cold turned into dehydration, so I was barely eating, had no energy, was constantly sick and was stuck to drinking water.

A few weeks have passed now and I’ve moved on from that low point somewhat were I have a happiness with me, but this happiness feels strange.

I am taking action on the changes I wrote about in a blog post, I am getting out a lot more as the good weather is here and things are happening in life.

The strange part of this is that a lot of what I am doing isn’t me, or at least it isn’t the me that I’ve known all my life, but it’s person that I’m becoming even if it’s still me underneath.

I have an exciting situation I got into where I feel like I’m the confident one between two people, as if I am taking the lead and not feeling any nerves about it.
In the past I may not have went for it and even if I did I would have had nerves, not been as confident and certainly not felt like taking the lead.

I am finally getting a confidence to go and visit new places, travel on my own and for one of the two trips I’m taking I have meetups with a couple of people.
Again in the past I’d have thought about going away but never acting on it, and then if I did go I wouldn’t have been in a situation were I’d have anyone to meet when I was away.

Related to the above is the fact I’m having conversations with people , in ways I never would have. with anyone before.
It of course helps to know how I can be around certain people, but then I would have been more reserved in what I said, even if they were OK with certain people talking a certain way with them.

Even just with my blog, I am now beginning to be more confident with my pictures and I’m becoming a “True Exhibitionist” as someone said to me.
There’s enjoyment from getting outdoors in the good weather but also there’s the confidence to get naked and take pictures as I’m out. Along side that is just my general feeling of being so much better at taking pics, even just simple morning ones for twitter, the end results are coming out a lot better and I think people can appreciate these more.


Finally and for me quite a nice one is the fact I’m starting to make time for my pansexual side IRL. I’m bringing it more to the front, trying to get it into my daily life subtly and just make it so that should the right time come I can be confident in telling people who I am but I also know I don’t need to do anything.

All these things are giving me happiness but It feels weird, strange and odd knowing that it’s ME. Is this really the same introverted, shy, reserved guy, yes it is the same guy but all of that is slowly fading away and being replaced by the person I always wanted to be but never was.

There is still moments when I feel bad/shit and I’m not going to say that low point has suddenly just vanished never to come back, but I’m enjoying the happiness, sharing the love and making the most of it.

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