“We’re still struggling
Halfway through this journey
Our eyes are burning but we’re not slowing down
I wish we could have all the time in the world
But we have come too far to give up who we are
We fear nothing, we fear nothing”Lacuna Coil
Month: May 2021
“Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever… it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything.”Aaron Siskind
This is a re-write of a post I made on the topic and eneded up not liking so started a fresh with all my thoughts in one
Prior to starting this blog I was not someone into taking pictures of myself too often. I wouldn’t say I was self-consious as such but I never felt happy with taking pictures of myself let alone sharing them with an audicence no matter how small or big it was.
I didn’t have a camera other than the one on my smartphone, and as much as my dad was a photographer I didn’t get to learn how to properly use one from him when he was here as I didn’t realise it would be some I liked to do, though now I want to learn the basics and maybe get a standalone camera to play with (Maybe a cheap but useable old DSLR to start with).
It wasn’t untill I started going NSFW on twitter that I followed some people that were sharing images be it on their timeline or via posts on their blog for the likes of SinfulSunday or LingerieIsForEveryone.
What started out as an appreciation for these images and how good they were soon developed into a desire to follow suit that at first didn’t happen although I did post the odd picture previously but not to the same level and only randomly on twitter.
It was only after I started reviewing for littleswitchbitch did the idea that I could make a blog and participate in this whole community of bloggers start.
So I set about creating the blog and what you see now was the result.
My first image on my blog was one I’m proud of. It was a picture I took on a whim to show off a toy I had won in a twitter comp a few years ago and through sheer luck more than skill it turned out really well so I had to post it again as a blog post (see end of post).
As I began to start taking more images for posts I started to feel more comfortable with this, not strictly from the result image as I was as a benginner at photography and only using a smartphone with zero extra tools like a tripod..etc I was more comfortable in putting them out there and showing me in any light no matter what.
Most of my images to date happened on a whim, more or less I wanted to link up to a meme but needed an image so did little planning but had a basic idea. They are good/ok images for how I took them and what they are, but for me I’d say sharing myself for others to see was more what made me happy rather than how good they were.
While 64mp and 4 cameras is nice to have it’s still only on a smartphone camera, but even so I am always inspired by other peoples images and how I can improve on what I do with what I have.
I see closeup, far away, unedited, basic edits and highly edited amongst other shots from people and I’m always in awe of not only the beauty of the person in the shot but the shot itself.
The more I’ve posted images the more I’ve been comfortable with showing off me, warts and all (I have no warts thankfully). Whether it’s the butt I have and like to the (Lockdown??) belly I happened to have there is lots I’d have hated in the past but it’s been fun to share and see some feedback on these images.
Like I said, I was never self-conscious before but I have become more happy to photograph myself in ertoic ways and find the beauty in it like I did viewing those images of others. Maybe in the future i’ll share my face fully but for now that’s the only off limits aspect I have when taking pics.
As of more recently, I’ve started to find my feet with images I am taking. I’m not more experienced yet with manual camera controls of my phones camera not have I bought a standalone camera but I am finding new angles, new spots to prop up my phone for the right shot and even new apps for editing my pictures.
Some images I’ve seen and thought they were good RAW but then I’ve played around with the editing and then immediately seeing how the edit took them to the next level, IMO of course.
I’ve went from someone not keen to take pics of himself, to being OK with it but not really putting in the effort all the way upto making an effort to actually take good images and share them on a blog or twitter for all to see.
I have much more to learn, many more experiences in which to capture images of, and I hope many more years of sharing myself to whoever wants to see them.
Some images I like
When I started to think about creating this blog last year the one idea that kept coming back was about ME, how I had started to explore myself more and saw a change.
I decided on the name adult exploration as a way to convey how I was continually exploring myself when I hadn’t done so in the past.
An early blog post I wrote detailed all of the above when I wondered who I was, and talked about a change in me.
Ever since starting the blog and writing that post, and particularly more recently, I’ve observed some of the things I say, the things I do and the way I react to myself.
Through this observation, I realised I need to make a change, changes that might hopefully be for the better without changing who I ultimately am.
Firstly, I can’t change the past and what has or hasn’t happened, so instead of looking back and wishing things were different compared to others I have to look past it. Sure I might envy some of the things people have done and I’m fine doing so in a way, but other than that I should look at it as a goal or as inspiration for the future somewhat related to my next point below.
Secondly, like I did exploring my bi-curious side, I need to start acting more on things that I have a desire for. Not just sexually or relationship-wise, but other things I want to do but haven’t had the confidence like going on solo trips particularly further afield.
I realise that I often think about things but never act and then I feel bad, so instead of putting things off, if I can do it then I need to jump right in head first and worry later like I did/do with work sometimes.
Lastly, I feel like I need to be more positive about myself. Yes, I will always have a day where I might feel anxious or unconfident about something, and that is fine, but for the most part, I shouldn’t let things bother me.
I can be more confident in myself, yes I can do things no matter how they turn out and I should remember that what I see as not great in me or things I do is not always the same as what others see.
So what does this all mean then?
I need to be more confident in myself, knowing I can do things and see myself in a different light.
I need to start doing more of the things I want, rather than just thinking of them and then nothing ever happening.
I also need to see what others do as inspiration, just like I started this blog because I saw others participating in memes, posting pics and blogging which I realised I wanted to do, and with review writing, I had positive feedback so I felt like I could have a go and make it my own.
All these changes I do might not be big and they won’t change who I am but hopefully, they can be for the better and give me something(s) that I’ve been missing.
“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.”Federico García Lorca
Self-pleasure in the form of masturbation is a desire which is constantly burning in me.
I keep it quiet, other than the odd post on twitter or reviews of toys I use to masturbate with in which case I’m not so quiet about it other than IRL.
The act of masturbation can be helpful to relieve stress and help me relax and so here’s a post about how I pleasure myself and what works for me.
As you can probably guess, being in the mood is important and can be where it starts, but depending on the day on question and life in general how I get down to business can vary quite a lot.
For me it’s not just about taking my hand and having a wank although yes, I do that sometimes and it can be fun to go back to basics with some added lube to help.
For the most part I like building up to masturbation, playing the long game with what I call foreplay or some might say is a punishment.
Taking those little bits of free time to get in the mood by browsing porn, downloading porn for later or scrolling through twitter and seeing hot images.
As these things are done inbetween IRL stuff I don’t always have the time or space to have wank but I am able to build up my excitement levels.
Also the act of not having a wank when I sometimes could have fit one in can be a punishment to myself, knowing how excited I got and purposefully stopping myself is a pleasure on it’s own without the orgasm
During the evening/night time (Assuming I’m not in work) I will usually be in a quiet home where I can use the excitement(Foreplay) I had throughout the day to get to wanking, and the release of pleasure can end up in an awesome orgasm whether I used toys or not.
By not having a wank when I definitely could during the day I see the eventual wank as a reward for abstaining and I like that as it’s the only time I do this sort of thing right now and It might be good for the future if I have a partner who wants me to not wank for as long as possible outwith my control
These orgasms can sometimes be EPIC if for whatever reason I’ve not done anything in several days, i.e. tiredness, busy with work or just having a break.
When I’m going through my IRL day to day routine I also see the act of having this desire to wank but keeping it quiet a further punishment.
Of course I won’t be shouting about to colleagues in work or family and some friends, but there is one IRL friend and a lot of people online who I could mention it to in passing via a tweet or whatever.
I don’t mention it though and keep it to myself where I want to see to it badly.
As the title suggest, I could not keep this video to myself when the butt is so good, plus I have the trimmed hair round front looking good too.
The music in the background for the curious is Anathema – Lightning Song
“Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.”The Cheshire Cat
My imagination runs wild often, it goes to places I don’t in reality and gives me a happiness thinking of all the situations I could be in compared to the reality of my life.
The reality of work, the mundane tasks I have to do at home and the constant pressures of looking after a parent make the times when I let my imagination run wild is immensely pleasurable and breifly hides the stresses and strains of real life.
On the other hand, and particularly in the last few days prior to writing this post, letting my imagination run wild can have its drawbacks.
I go to the places in my head that make me happy but then I think about how it’s missing from my life in reality and that makes me sad.
Comparing myself to others is not something I do, but seeing people do things I only ever imagine in my head and never make a reality can at times make me sad.
I don’t want to be on my own, I don’t want to make plans that only involve me and I want to have more experiences that are outside my confort zone in regards to doing it with someone else (I’ll you the reader decide what they see IT being as for me it’s more than a single thing)
For me there is a war between fantasy vs reality. I want to let my imagination run wild and give me pleasures when compared with the reality of my life, but then I also want the reality to include some of the things I imagine, adding a bit of fun to the mundane in my life no matter what that fun may be.
I masturbate a lot, and as someone who reviews toys that is one reason for the amount I do, not that I need a reason to masturbate.
It can be a great way to de-stress particularly after busy work days, or even help to keep me relaxed on short quiet work days where I don’t want to do much (I masturbate at home not work just to be clear lol) .
My mood be a horny one and I may have the whole day to browse porn in between doing other things like housework, and then in the evening I take all that build up and get an awesome release resulting in a huge orgasm at times.
Below is an image I previously took during a session with several toys, porn on my TV and of course water to keep me hydrated as I didn’t know how long I might go for.
This post was going to be a continuation from an early post I made on my sexuality but it just so happens to fit into the newest SinfulSunday prompt so why not write it for this.
The prompt is I am… and as you can see from the title I say Who am I?
Of course for those than know me, and as a reminder for those that may not, I am bi/pansexual which I came to be only in my 20s back in 2014/15.
Who am I?
Beyond my sexuality though I have been thinking about who I am, and how I see myself a person.
I freely label myself as a male. I was born with a penis and in my 30 smale is something that fits me since it’s all I’ve known, and unlike my sexuality I feel like I’m passed the stage where I’d be happy to change that. If I had an understanding in my late childhood and teens like I do now then I’m sure I’d have considered my gender a bit more.
I like many things you might have asocciated as male in the past, anyone can like anything regardless of gender though and while I do label myself male there’s a lot more to it than that.
I love wearing lingerie for more than just sexual pleasure, finding enjoyment from not only how some peices look but how they feel on me, and well sometimes they do provide sexual enjoyment but that’s a bonus.
I also love some forms of female clothing that I haven’t found comfort in sharing yet plus some stuff is hard to explain and I don’t know if it’s just something I like.
I’m male, I will continue to use that gender but will always be open about enjoying things that are not marketed towards male like lingerie, clothing or even sex toys while at the same time wanting to be seen as a person who is more feminine rather than a male regardless of my gender and how I label myself.
Enjoy some previously posted images of mine 🙂