[CW: A bit on Suicide]Monday Musings #5 – The story behind my username.

My current username and the story behind it.

I originally used my everyday username on twitter, but as my account changed from a vanilla one, into something more NSFW and locked for a while, I then went through various name changes while also setting up a vanilla twitter that I rarely use.

Some of the name changes I used reflected my account and the way it had gone, but it wasn’t until I settled on my current username that I felt it was a good fit, and the story behind it really made sense for me.

My current username on my blog which came from my Twitter account is We_Fear_Nothing. This comes from the lyrics to a song by Italian metal band Lacuna Coil the song being called Nothing Stands In Our Way see video and lyrics below.
Not only do I love this song but I love this band and got to see them live almost a year ago (1 year next week from this post) where they performed this song, and it’s how I fell more in love with it leading to me deciding to use part of it as my username.

I related the lyrics to my own life particularly the lyrics I use for my username.
Yes I have stresses, feel anxious at times, feel shit related to work and I sometimes I get a low mental health day.
Even with all those things above the username to me is conveying how I try to look past them, how they are part of my life but I don’t fear them in anyway.
They happen, and most of it is it’s shit when it does but sometimes it turns out well and I’ve survived.

In my youth I contemplated suicide, I was so low that I couldn’t take it anymore, which is the simple answer to why. I’ve muddled my mind on the topic over the years so the exact details are a blur these days.
In my height of feeling low I knew of an array of pills I could get and I thought about taking them all and ending it.
I’m still here though.
I got through it, I dont know how, other than partly a future girlfriend who was a text away and helped me massively get through it all.

My suicidal thoughts are not easy to think about but it’s what made me realise that
It won’t always be a pleasant journey through life, but I know that in the end, things will work out. As the song says “Life long, road blocks High walls, teardrops, Nothing stands in our way” where I often feel like there’s high walls, road blocks in my way and I know there is teardrops at times but by getting through it all not matter how good or bad each situation may be shows that “Nothing stands in our way” or in this case my way.

So yeah I don’t take the meaning of the lyrics literally but I do apply them to my way of getting through life.

We’re still struggling
Halfway through this journey
Our eyes are burning but we’re not slowing down
I wish we could have all the time in the world
But we have come too far to give up who we are

We fear nothing, we fear nothing

Life long, road blocks
High walls, teardrops
Nothing, stands in our way
Blood stained, stock crash
Mistakes, heart breaks
Nothing stands in our way

We’re still running
We are not afraid the thrill is on
Speed up without any brakes, oh no
‘Cause sometimes we still have to hit the wall
To see things that are right before our eyes

We fear nothing, we fear nothing

Life long, road blocks
High walls, teardrops
Nothing, stands in our way
Blood stained, stock crash
Mistakes, heart breaks
Nothing stands in our way

We fear nothing, we fear nothing
Now that we’ve come so far
Do you still remember our dreams
The need to have it all?
Don’t give up, I feel we are almost there

Life long, road blocks
High walls, teardrops
Nothing, stands in our way
Blood stained, stock crash
Mistakes, heart breaks
Nothing stands in our way

Life long, road blocks
High walls, teardrops
Nothing, stands in our way
Blood stained, stock crash
Mistakes, heart breaks
Nothing stands in our way
That’s our way, that’s our way, that’s our way, that’s our way

Jay Baumgardner / Marco Biazzi / Andrea Ferro / Cristiano Migliore / Cristiano Mozzati / Cristina Scabbia / Marco Coti Zelati

• Monday Musings