To look at my sexuality from the present day and beyond, I must take a brief look back. I won’t dive into too many details as I wrote a post hosted over at mysparkletits blog which you can read here.
From my earlier years where I began to understand sexuality, at least on the most basic level of straight and gay or lesbian, I never really defined myself as any but would have said straight if you had asked me, and this was the case for a good few years.
I had a huge crush on a girl in primary school and even in high school my first true love was a girl in my class and so while I didn’t call myself straight that would have been what I’d have called myself
As I got older I began to realise there was maybe more to my sexuality, mainly through my love of a band and it’s singer who happened to be gay. I always liked the music he made in his band and as a solo artist but getting older mean I understood that I may have had an attraction to him more than musically.
This realisation then lead me to see more guys as attractive which I dismissed initially before I started eventually question myself and really take notice of these feelings I may have had but weren’t letting them out.
After a large on and off period I started to explore this attraction to guy, and eventually in 2015 I had some NSA fun with a few guys which I liked, if not necessarily liking the guy (Personal preference) and from here I could finally put a name to things, this name bi-sexual. I still liked the girls, but at the same time I was finding myself thinking about guys more often than I had, and so I settled with bi for that reason.
Current day terms for myself
It’s currently October 2020 and while I still use the term bi-sexual for me it’s becoming a term I may not be 100% settled on but it’s one that’s easiest to describe at the moment.
On the flip side, being out as bi online has made me see many more people with different identities and has me question the term, and whether it really suits me and my particular sexuality? I no longer see myself as being interested in just guy or girls, and actually I don’t think I have a set type of person I like these days, which makes me feel like bi-sexual is too restrictive.
Although I may not be out as bi in my real life It’s still the term I would use for now.
I can’t really use another term if I’m not comfortable in knowing how it really feels for me, and I don’t feel comfortable in chopping and changing terms.
What the future holds
In it’s current state my sexual preference is settled. I’ve come to grips with who I like and it won’t be changing in the future.
As for my sexuality terminology, I do feel like I’ll be moving away from calling myself bi-sexual but moving to what is a different matter.
I guess it’s a case of test-driving various terms and seeing what I feel fits me best, and what I’m comfortable not only calling myself, but also conveying to others online and IRL.
At the end of the day I know it’s not always important as to what you call yourself, what name you use, and as long as you’re comfortable knowing your own sexuality then that’s the main thing, but It’s nice to be able to have a label for myself.
2 thoughts on “How I define my sexuality currently, and what about the future?”
I’ve changed how I define my sexuality numerous times over the years. When I felt like bisexual didn’t quite fit, I found that pansexual was a better description for me. Just a few months ago I started identifying as queer, though that took me some soul searching to decide how I felt about it.
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I’ve yet to come out as bisexual other than online, but it was a good fit when I started to realise I liked more than the opposite sex.
Even now I still use bisexual, but the more I’ve thought about it the more I realise pansexual could be a better fit, as I find myself liking people regardless of gender.
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